Posts Tagged ‘the primal root

19
Jul
18

Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988) Hell or High Sperm Count

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“EAT LEAD, FROGGIES!” – Sam Hell, Hell Comes to Frogtown

“We’re gonna get ’em out, and you’re gonna get ’em pregnant.” – Spangle, Hell Comes to Frogtown

a Primal Root Written Review

Never in the annals over cinema has the queasy unease and horror apparent in the possibility of losing your sexual organs been so graphically portrayed as they are in the post apocalyptic 1988 sci-fi comedy action adventure cyber punk sweat and filth caked fever dream, Hell Comes to Frogtown starring the late, great, Roddy Piper, Sandahl Bergman, Cec Verrell, and Farmer Vincent himself, Rory Calhoun!

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As always, the world is left a post apocalyptic wasteland due to a “difference of opinion” (HAHAHA!) which leads to a nuclear war obliterating all of civilization and leaving the good majority of the handful of remaining men steril. Which is where Sam Hell comes in (played with over the top buffoonery glee by Roddy Piper), we catch up with him as he is about to get his genitals torn off by an angered military Captain named Devlin, whose daughter said Sam raped her, but he actually didn’t, and is now with child. However, the forced castration is quickly put to an end when Spangle (Sandahl Bergman) and Patton (Eyde Byrde) show up just in the nick of time to put him in an explosive cod piece and make his cock and balls official government equipment to be used in the repopulation of the planet. See, he tests way off the charts with the most ammunition in his weapon than they’re ever seen before, which makes him quite the commodity in the wasteland. One of my favorite moments in the film is when he is sitting in the lab of this government repopulation building with his beeping, blinking codpiece on, as he looks around and sees all the propaganda on the walls including a great poster that has a NO CONDOMS symbol over it and states “THE FUTURE IS IN YOUR HANDS!” Hell signs his junk away without reading the fine print and is now enlisted to go on missions across the remaining junk heap of Earth in an bulky explosive codpiece he can’t take off or it will explode, if he gets too far away from Spangle, it will electrocute his ball, and then explode. So, he’s basically a a fuck slave for the government.

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Immediately, Hell is thrown into a mission to rescue a bevy of fertile young women who have been captured and used as sex slaves by a race of mutant amphibians who were exiled to the desert by humans to a place called, you guessed it, FROGTOWN! Hell, Spangle and badass gunner, Centinella (Cec Verrell) head off into the wasteland driving a bright pink Studebaker with a sunroof so Centinella can man the massive machine gun mounted to the top, in order to rescue the fertile maidens and have Hell give them the deep dicking they need to repopulate the Earth. Along the way, of course, we learn Spangle is trained in the art of seduction, which is graphically portrayed as she whips out her late 80’s camouflage and doily adorned lingerie, in order to keep Hell teased, hard, and ready to impregnate when the time arrives. Late at night, Centinella strips off her uniform, whips her puppies out of the chute (providing the ONLY bare breasts of the entire film) opens Hell’s the cod piece flap, straddles our wrestler hero, but gets pulled off right before he enters her ring by a jealous, but posing as protective, Spangle. Ugghhh, repopulating the planet is going be touch when all the women keep getting upset over who owns this guy’s penis.

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Before long, the trio comes across an actual, honest, to goodness fertile lone woman of the wasteland. Spangle basically terrorizes and bullies the young woman before Hell tells her to back the fuck off so he can talk to the woman. Spangle gets irritated with Sam who balks at the artifice of this who deal and can’t perform under these circumstances. “Hey, you try making love to a complete stranger in a hostile, mutant environment, see how you like it.” But, eventually, Hell and the young woman warm up to one another, and get down to business as Spangle watches on jealously.  In the morning, the young woman directs our trio of heroes to Frogtown, thanks Hell for the lust in the dust, give him a big bear hug and is on her way to die of exposure in the nuclear desert before ever even having that the baby Hell just shot down her love canal.

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Okay, entering Frogtown, which is EXACTLY what you might assume it would be. A dark, filthy, greasy, sweaty underworld made up of freakish mutated frog people drinking sewage, reading copies of The Frog Prince, and doing strip teases upon the bar. Spangle’s plan is to pose as Hell’s faux hostage and slave to be traded to a frog pimp that goes by the name of Leroy. Leroy happens to be aided by an older HUMAN gent and acquaintance of Hell who goes by the name Looney Tunes (Rory Calhoun). The trade, however, comes to an abrupt halt when the one eyes frog, masochist and right hand toad of Commander Toty, the King Frog of Frogtown, a mutant who would love nothing more in this post apocalyptic husk of a world than to watch Hell’s package explode into meaty, sizzling chunks. Well, even more than that, he wants to enslave Spangle and watch her perform the highly erotic Dance of The Three Snakes, which is a scene that must be seen to be fully appreciated, no words of mine could every fully do it justice.

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Oddly enough, it feels like the movie kind of drags once they hit Frogtown as Spangle tries to seduce Hell, and he rebukes. Arabella, the shapely frog stripper, tries to get Hell to fuck her, and he rebukes, and she pulls him back and crawls on him, and he puts a burlap sack over his head and says no, no ,no. It’s kind of funny for a minute, but as these interactions keep happening, it gets old quick. But, once Hell is captured, Spangle is forced to dance, and chainsaws start getting pulled into the action, Hell Comes to Frogtown gets back on track and into the action is a big hurry.

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For being a New World Picture and the budget certainly being pretty nil, the effects are pretty impressive. Tee frog mutants may not be the greatest effects ever produced, but they’re quite audacious for an indie sci-fi flick. What really saves the day and makes Hell Comes to Frogtown so damn watchable, is the charasmatic, go for broke, comedic performance of Roddy Piper. They man is absolutely hysterical in the movie, calling on his experience mugging and emoting at top dramatic level from his professional wrestling days, the man hams it up to such an extreme, that you cannot help but laugh with the guy. It’s a ridiculous goddamn movie, and where everyone plays it serious, Roddy plays it for laughs, and it makes the film, if you ask me.

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Hell Comes To Frogtown is by no stretch of the imagination a good film, or a competent one and I doubt it would make anyone’s favorite sci-fi action films, even from the 80’s. But, what it is, is a a fucking hoot of a piece of Trash Cinema and one very fun, brain dead ride into a hot, sweaty, dusty abysmal dystopian Hellscape well in need of some good fucks. It’s a flick where humanoid mutant frog people are packing heat, kidnapping scantly clad nubile young women who must be saved by the beefy awesomeness of Roddy Piper. Honestly, what’s not to enjoy?

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I award Hell Comes to Frogtown THREE AND A HALF out of  FIVE Dumpster Nuggets.

Stay Trashy!

-Root

19
Mar
16

Pieces: A Trash Cinema Nights FIVE YEAR Anniversary Event!

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WHO: The Trash Cinema Collective
WHAT: A Special 5 Year Anniversary screening of Pieces (1982)
WHEN: Saturday April 2nd at starting at 9pm
WHERE: Bird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack
WHY: Because 5 Years of keeping Tallahassee Trashy deserves a fitting shindog!

As Always, NO COVER!
MATURE CONTENT 18+ ONLY

Hey Gang, The Primal Root here and I am honored to be inviting you toTrash Cinema Nights at Bird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack 5 Year Anniversary Shindig! That’s right, The Primal Root and The Trash Cinema Collective have been keeping Tallahassee Trashy for FIVE FILTHY YEARS! It only stands to reason that we should throw a down and dirty shindig to show our appreciation and support for all those years of blood, breasts and beasts at Bird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack!

And what better way to celebrate than with on of mine, The Primal Root’s, all time FAVORITE Trash Cinema Flicks and his hands down favorite slasher film, 1982’s legendary exploitation, splatter flick, Pieces!

A demented killer chainsaw wielding maniac is loose on campus! He’s cutting to ribbons all the coeds and stealing specific body parts from each of his victims…Who is this blood thirsty man about campus? What could he be doing with their snatched body parts? It is up to a team of local investigators (Christopher George and Frank Brana), a young student/stud named Kendall (Ian Sera of Pod People fame) and a sexy undercover tennis pro, Mary Riggs (Lynda Day George) to plunder the darkest, blood drenched depths of this hunting ground so that they can apprehend this psycho killer before he strikes again!

Filled with horrendous dialog, strange acting decisions and PLENTY of graphic/goofy gore and gratuitous nudity (Ian Sera even hangs dong!) Pieces is a truly unbeatable slice of Trash Cinema slasher nastiness.

So, come on out and join your friends from The Trash Cinema Collective atBird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack and sink your teeth into the BEST damn burger in town, wash it down with a pitcher of your favorite adult beverage and prepare for an evening of chainsaw carnage, skinny dipping, stoners talking about fucking on waterbeds, unexplained teenage skulls, Wendy’s burgers and fries, pants pissing, awkward skateboarding, random kung-fu, red herrings a plenty, several climaxes, and so many gut churning death scenes and naked breasts, you;ll think you’ve died and ascended to Trash Cinema Heaven…or is that descended? EITHER WAY! Come out and celebrate 5 Fun and Filthy Years of Trash Cinema Nights at Bird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack! Just think, one day you’ll be able to tell illegitimate love children that you were there!

I can’t wait to see you there!

Stay Trashy

-Root

19
Mar
16

Rock N Roll High School & Repo Man: A Trash Cinema Double Feature!

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WHO: The Trash Cinema Collective
WHAT: Rock N Roll High School Repo Man Double Feature!
WHEN: Monday March 28th at 7:00 pm (EST)
WHERE: The Junction at Monroe
WHY: Because it’s not just Trash, it’s an Adventure!

$5 at the door
BYOB!

Hey Gang, The Primal Root here and I can hardly contain my pleasure at our Trash Cinema Nights Deep Cult at The Junction Double Feature of the 1979 Roger Corman youth in revolt cult classic, Rock N Roll High School featuring PJ Soles, Clint Howard and, of course, The Ramones! Followed by one of my personal all time favorite cinematic oddities, the 1984 subversive sci-fi, comedy punk classic, Repo Man starring Emilio Estevez and Harry Dean Stanton!

Come on out and join your friends from The Trash Cinema Collective for an evening of delinquency, psychortonics, flying cars, alien conspiracies, plates of shrimp, PJ Soles in the shower, The Ramones in action, explosions, dance parties and the youth of America rising up!

Bring your favorite adult beverage to consume and share, enjoy some fresh popped popcorn, and some delicious food truck offering as we delve ever deeper into the most notorious cult films this filthy little space rock has to offer! It’s Trash Cinema Nights Deep Cult at The Junction! See you there, Gang!

Stay Trashy!
-Root

 

27
Feb
16

Ninja III The Domination: A Trash Cinema Event!

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WHO: The Trash Cinema Collective
WHAT: A screening of Canon film’s 1984 action cult classic, Ninja III: The Domination!
WHEN: Saturday March 5th at 9pm
WHERE: Bird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack
WHY: Because it’s Macho March and nothing says Macho like Ninja’s, Possession, aerobics, body hair and V-8 Juice!

As Always, NO COVER! (That’s Cheap!)

Hey Gang, The Primal Root here, and I am inviting YOU out to join The Trash Cinema Collective Saturday, March 5th for our annual MACHO MARCH movie screening! This year, we are drudging up a long standing cult classic from the purveyors of fine cinematic cheese,The Canon Group, 1984’s third entry in the Canon Ninja Trilogy, Ninja III: The Domination!

Mild mannered aerobics instructor and V-8 Juice enthusiast, Christie Ryder (Lucinda Dickey or Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo fame) one day ends up getting possessed by the vengeful spirit of a recently gunned down evil ninja master. Dominated by this blood thirsty spirit, Christie now sets forth to seek brutal revenge on the dead ninja’s worst enemies. Christie’s incredibly hairy boyfriend, concerned by Christie total change in personality and new knack for exceedingly efficient murder, enlists the help Yamada (martial arts superstar, Sho Kosugi, from Revenge of the Ninja). It all comes down to a life threatening exorcism and the ultimate battle to the death, because only a ninja…can kill a ninja.

Get ready for plenty of gym footage, spandex clad asses, gold course massacres, the most sexual use of V-8 juice in cinematic history, awesomely brutal and fun ninja fight scenes and a bouncy, spinning, exorcism like none you’ve ever seen! So, come on out to Bird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack Saturday March 5th for MACHO MARCH’! Bring your friends, grab a pitcher of your favorite ice cold adult beverage, suck down some salty love on the half shell or sink your teeth into the BEST damn burger in Tallahassee and hold on your sanity as Ninja III: The Domination blows your filthy little mind!

I’ll see you there, Gang!

Stay Trashy!
-Root

11
Feb
16

(NSFW) Exotic Zombie: Valentine’s Day Devil Girl of the Month (2016)

Hey Gang, The Primal Root here, and my filthy little heart is beating much faster than usual. Why you ask? Well, this Valentine’s Day one of my all time favorite slices of cinematic sleaze, Frankenhooker,  has been brought to life by of gorgeous and talented February Devil Girl of the Month, Exotic Zombie! A friend near and dear to your’s truly, I am thrilled beyond measure to be premiering her astounding Frankenhooker themed Devil Girl spread for you to fall in love with this Valentine’s Day. Get ready to lose your black hearts, Collective, as you feast your eyes on Exotic Zombies teeth sweatingly sexy spread!

The Primal Root: Good day, Exotic Zombie! It is quite the pleasure having the honor to feature your seductive self as our February Devil Girl of the Month. Let me just get this out of the way, I’ve always had a fantasy about being one of Frankenhooker’s Johns, so your spread has a deep *AHEM* sentimental value from the very get-go.

Might I ask what made you decide to use Frank Henenlotter’s ultimate tale of sluts and bolts as inspiration for your inaugural Devil Girl spread?

Exotic Zombie: I’ve always wanted to be a hooker!!! But really, it was just an excuse to get naked. wink emoticon

Root: Exotic Zombie, could you please tell us a little about yourself? Your passions, what inspires you? How do you keep it Trashy?

EZ: I am a recent gang member of the Trash Cinema crew. We all share the same filthy minds and admiration for exploding hookers. As a photographer, I get inspired by what others are passionate about. Whether it’s hot sexy movies, drugs and sex, or sex in general… just know that I prefer estrogen based elixir with my whiskey.

Root: You pull off Patty Mullen’s patented Frankenhooker face incredibly well. How long did it take you to master this particular talent?

EZ: Science. The way that the brain makes muscles contract is that there are individual little nerves that send their axon out into a muscle and they release a neurochemical, called acetylcholine. But really it took day after day standing in front of a mirror and taking selfies.

Root: Would you be game for starring in an unofficial Frankenhooker sequel? What would need to occur in this sequel in order for you to come on board?

EZ: I’m always lookin’ for some action! As long as there are pretzels to munch on and super crack for my addiction.

Root: What is that toy you brought into the bedroom with you and is this a frequent companion?

EZ: In the fetish community, this toy is known as a violet wand. There are different extensions and attachments that creates different shocking sensations. My personal favorite is the bulb used in the set. I would literally fry myself if I used it as much as I’d like to.

Root: As I am sure everyone knows, the most quintessential of all Hallmark Holidays, Valentine’s Day, is right around the corner. What are some of your favorite Trashy Anti-Valentine’s Day flicks you like to bust out on February 14th?

EZ: As I stated previously, I have only discovered the glory of trash film recently and I may already be slightly creepily obsessed and infatuated with this particular genius love story, Frankenhooker. To the point where I’ve already stalked the amazing Patty Mullen on facebook.

Root: What song would you pick to accompany your Devil Girl spread?

EZ: I’d have to go with something in relation to the theme, deftones, Change (in the house of flies)

Root: Do you have any filthy words of wisdom for the Trash Cinema Collective hoping to be as fucking awesome as yourself one day?

EZ: Never stand in front of lawn mowers. 😉

Photography by The Primal Root and Jeremy King 

Make-Up Effects: Shana Leigh 

25
Nov
15

(NSFW) Murder Monroe: November Devil Girl of the Month (2015)

Happy Trashgiving, Gang! It’s your old pal The Primal Root here and I am here to introduce to you one of the greatest reasons to be thankful we’re keeping it Trashy, our November Devil Girl of the Month,  the gorgeous, mysterious, cornucopia of sexuality, Murder Monroe! Her sultry, dark and entrancing photo spread inspired by Donnie Darko is truly a feast for the eyes, one you will be dreaming of long after those Trashgiving leftovers have cleared your gullet. Before you lay your lustful little eyes on Murder Monroe’s tantalizing photos, let’s get to know this one of a kind beauty...

The Primal Root: Before we get started, please allow me to state how incredibly Thankful we are to be featuring you, Ms. Murder Monroe, as our November Devil Girl of the Month this Trashgiving.  You look quite fetching and fierce in your Frank mask, I might add. Why did you decide to go with a Donnie Darko theme for your first Devil Girl spread? 

Murder Monroe: I chose Donnie Darko for it’s weirdness but also its unapologetic And irreverent beauty when you get right down to it its really kind of a love story. Of a sorts or at least that’s how I remember it…its been awhile.

Root: No one loves a good mystery more than I do, but it’s a shame you don’t show your lovely face in this risqué and trashy spread. Can you drop some clues as to who might be under that furry, frightful mask? What are you into? Where are you from? What are some of your favorite haunts? 

Monroe: Clues huh… Let’s just say I’m townie (Tally born and raised) but new to The Trash Cinema Collective scene. I’m a recent vinyl convert and lover of all things fantasy/fiction/SciFi. I like comic books and graphic novels but prefer marvel universe over DC. My favorite haunts include Bird’s, Finnegan’s wake (when its not too crowded), Lucky goat coffee, red eye and the bookshelf 2.

Root: Now, the question I am sure is on everyone’s mind, what are some of your favorite Trash Cinema Classics? 

Monroe: Trash Cinema Classics… Well, for sure there’s Beetlejuice, my all time favorite, Troll 2, Pet Semetary 1 & 2, all of the Child’s Play movies, Freddy Kruger and let’s not forget Michael Myers.

Root: With your creative spread, gorgeous figure, and feminine mystique, I am sure this question is on all my fellow filth aficionados minds, can we expect to see you in some future Devil Girl spreads? 

Monroe: I would definitely be up for being a Devil Girl again! Although, it may be hard to top this one. It turned out better than I anticipated.

Root: What song would you like attached to your Devil Girl spread? What song sums it up for you? 

Monroe: The song I’d like attached to my Devil Girl spread is Yaz (known in the UK as Yazoo) “Only you”. And the song that sums me up… Honestly it’s a toss up between Rob Zombie’s Living Dead Girl and Radiohead’s Creep. 😉

Root: Any words of wisdom for The Trash Cinema Collective? 

Monroe: Life is short, eat the cake, buy the shoes and have that damn drink…and stay trashy, of course. 😛

Photography by Bootsie Kidd & The Primal Root

21
Nov
15

(NSFW) The Living Deads (LIVE) and The Taint: A Trash Cinema Event!

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WHO: The Living Deads and The Trash Cinema Collective
WHAT: a screening of the 2011 flick The Taint followed by a LIVE performance by our good friends in filth, THE LIVING DEADS!
WHEN: Sunday, December 13th at 9:00pm (EST)
WHERE: Bird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack
WHY: Because the bodacious Trashmas blessings keep on rolling in, Gang!

 

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Hey Gang, The Primal Root here, and this Trashmas season just keeps getting sleazier and more enjoyable all the time. On Sunday December 13th at 9:00pm (EST) come join your friends from The Trash Cinema Collective as we kick back and enjoy one of the nastiest, scummiest, most genuinely entertaining pieces of contemporary Trash Cinema, that I, The Primal Root, has witnessed in a very long time, THE TAINT! If extreme comic violence, projectile cumming penises, face ripping, and coat hanger abortion sterilizations offend you, this is not the movie foe you. However, if you into the truly depraved, hilarious and inappropriately Trashy, The Taint will more than satisfy your hunger. It’s like Troma meets John Waters. The delicate flowers have been warned.

AND GUESS WHAT! Right afterwards we will be treated to a LIVE performance by the one and only THE LIVING DEADS! Get ready to shake your ass to some down and dirty old school rock and roll from the sexy, sultry, Symphony Tidwell and that badass brute, Randee Mcknight! Every time these guys come to town and play at Bird’s it becomes the stuff of legends. You never know what will happen!

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So, come on out and join your friends from The Trash Cinema Collective for an evening’s entertainment you will never forget! Seriously, you will be changed forever.

Hope to see you there, Gang!

Let’s get Trashy!
-Root




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