Posts Tagged ‘rotten review

27
Jun
11

Rotten Reviews Episode 20: XTRO

Hey Gang,

Who doesn’t remember E.T.? The cute, cuddly, persecuted Reese’s Pieces Loving extra terrestrial who was left behind only to phone home and teach us all about love and peace in the process? Well, forget that feel good shit, this is XTRO. Britain’s hugely fucked up, grisly and disgusting answer to one of the most successful family films ever made.

XTRO is the story of a broken marriage, alien abduction, and coming up with as many ways as possible to make sure that for next few days after watching XTRO the thought of sex will make you vomit all over yourself. Sure, there’s a little kid and an alien who is far closer to him than E.T. was to that little asshole he befriend, but XTRO’s single goal seems to make sex as unappetizing as possible. And it would have succeeded if it weren’t for that gratuitous sex scene featuring a very young and zipper burn inducingly hot Maryam d’Abo (The Living Daylights) that reminds us sex without extra terrestrial involvement is pretty dang awesome.

Just keep those images of her in your mind rather than vagina egg chutes or grown men ripping their way out of the womb as sloppy red gunk sprays across the floor…

Enjoy this interstellar Rotten Review, Gang!  And don;t forget, you can meet Tim Dry, the guy in the rubbery monster suit doing the crab walk, at the Days of the Dead Horror Convention in Indianapolis happening July 1-3! Make sure you go, and when you do, keep your eyes peeled for your old pal The Primal Root! Looking forward to meeting some fellow Trash Cinema Connoisseurs.

Stay Trashy,

-Root

10
May
11

Rotten Reviews presents Brainscan

brainscan-poster2

Hey Gang,

Before I begin, let me first apologize for the Year Three hiatus. I am sure most of you heard about the trouble I ran into with my Mac just as 2011 dawned on us. Well, things are back up and running better than ever and I am happy to being you the latest Rotten Review for the 1994, Edward Furlong cyber horror fest, Brainscan!

Brainscan is the tender story of a crippled boy who is into horror movies, grunge rock, plaid shirts and video games. This young man’s name is Michael and he decides to try out the latest in interactive CD-ROM technology called BRAINSCAN. This game of murder turns out to be a little too real for our little Mickey as he learns there is a high cost to murder which includes having to deal with a lame joke spewing villain with an oddly shaped head who goes by the name of Trickster.

Get ready for peeping on the girl next door, bland home decor, annoying best friends named Kyle, Oscar Nominated Actors phoning it in, monsters cocks, fright wigs, cat teeth, gratuitous leg wounds, limping, surprise butt sex, teen angst, name calling, and a TON of Three stooges footage.

It’s the rare horror film with a ZERO body count and brings up some hot button issues as to how much we can blame violent crime on violent entertainment. At the end of the movie, this is all left open for debate. Still, kudos to Brainscan for even bringing it up. I believe you know where I stand on the topic.

Enjoy the latest Rotten Review, Gang! We have a whole lot in store for you in Year Three!

Stay Trashy,

-Root

 

28
Jul
10

The Primal Root’s Rotten Reviews presents Malibu Beach

malibu beach

Hey Gang,

Well, it’s the middle of summer and I wasn’t planning on even doing a Rotten Review this month on account of how beautiful it is outside and I wanted to put in some quality beach time. However, after my trip to the Gulf of Mexico got a little too sticky for my taste I decided maybe we should stay at home and enjoy the 1978 classic, Malibu Beach.

This flick is an easy to swallow summer time treat with not plot to get in the way of  the story. Tons of lovely ladies in bikinis, boys up to no good, and perverted clothes snatching dogs. It all take place on Malibu Beach! A place where EVERYTHING can happen.

Hope you’re having a great summer!

Stay Trashy,

– Root

25
Sep
09

The Primal Root’s Rotten Reviews presents Queen of the Damned

Hey Gang,

The latest episode of the show that brings you the best in trash is up and running for your viewing pleasure. That’s right, The Primal Root’s Rotten Reviews just posted a new episode, this time, Root’s taking a look at the EPIC Vampire Rock Opera, Queen of the Damned!

I’m also dealing with a nasty bite I received from one of my neighbors. So, this episode documents the aftermath of that encounter as well. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

Stay Trashy,

– Root

<p><a href=”http://vimeo.com/85098933″>Queen of the Damned (2002) The Primal Root’s Rotten Reviews Episode 5</a> from <a href=”http://vimeo.com/user24396091″>Kevin Cole</a> on <a href=”https://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a&gt;.</p>




Dumpster Diving

Categories