Posts Tagged ‘mysterious

14
Nov
17

(NSFW) Bat Pussy (197?): Long Lost Trash Cinema Treasure, Mother Fuckers!

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“You sell your pussy for two cents on the street, but Bat Pussy here is fer law and order!” – Buddy, Bat Pussy

a Primal Root written review
Recently, at a Trash Cinema Night I hosted at Bird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack here in Tallahassee, the stinky taint of Florida, I overheard someone questioning the appeal of bad movies and how they’re such a waste of time. Let me tell you, the obsession with the terrible, the obscene, the seldom scene and outcasts of cinema is not a pass time for the lot of us who devote ourselves to it, it’s a passion. I’ve wasted so many years of my life in pursuit of the sleaziest, strangest, worst films ever made. I lust for horrendous dialog, shitty acting, out of focus, bargain basement cinematography, and junky audio. Give me the things no one in their right mind would ever want to watch and you can keep your bazillion dollar Marvel superhero franchises and Star Wars sequels that are farted out faster than sloppy, lukewarm Big Mac’s at one of the billion stinky McDonald’s that dot this great land of ours. I want to see that rarest of rare shit that only the strongest and most devoted will ever lay their eyes on, that only those of us with the taste for the truly misbegotten will ever appreciate and savor the flavor of. Motherfucker, give me Trash Cinema or give me death!

 

All this to say, after decades of hearing the title of this ridiculously rare, hardly ever seen outside it’s original scarce skin flick theater run during some odd year in the 1970’s (IMDB has it listed as being released in 1973, but the truth is, no one really knows), I have FINALLY witnessed it… Bat Pussy. That’s right, Bat Pussy, the film many claim to be the very first pornographic parody film, in this case, LOOSELY based on the Adam West Batman television series. To this day no one knows where it was filmed, who the actors are or who the creative minds were behind the camera. The only hint we have that it was possibly shot in Arkansas is a Razorback tattoo on our male lead, Buddy, prominently feature pasty white ass.

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Bat Pussy is a legendarily bad, rare hour long pornographic film. The cast contains three leads: Buddy, a fowl mouthed greasy dude with a farmers tan.  Sam: A beehive wearing, immensely freckled frustrated possible wife to Buddy and BAT PUSSY (aka: Dora Dildo): Our super heroine who protects her Holy Gotham City whenever her twitching pussy alerts her to a crime about to be committed. Her accent and enthusiasm help to liven up the flick.

Bat Pussy tells the tale of Buddy and Sam, a married couple who spend the duration of the film totally nude and in bed together hurling insults at one another while applying ample cunnilingus, fingering, fellatio and long discussions about fucking, but without actually doing it, which could be the result of Buddy’s dick being eternally flaccid.  Just a guess.

Anyhoo, Buddy and Sam get the idea to try some of the debauched and dirty deeds pictured in a stroke rag which alerts Bat Pussy to the imminent danger, exclaiming the remarkable like, “Dirty Muthafuckas fucking in my holy Gotham City!” Before pulling her nighty over her head, where it gets stuck ever so briefly, puts on her Bat Pussy uniform, straddles her “Hippity Hop” and bounces out of Bat Pussy Headquarters, which happens to be an outhouse. And Gotham City is basically just a state park… we spend about five minutes watching Bat Pussy bounce down dirt roads, empty fields from about a quarter of a mile away, and beat a sexual deviant to the ground with her “Hippity Hop” to save a young nubile woman from his clutches.

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In the meantime, we are throttled face first back into the bizarre, angry, and certainly smelly love life of Buddy and Sam. What started out as a kind of cute, if nasty, bout of dirty talk and slight name calling has erupted into a profanity laden tirade that is being totally improvised and feels a little too on the nose for these two “actors” to not be an actual married couple. It gets mean, but it’s also head scratchingly surreal and often downright hysterical as Buddy bounces around the bed, limp dick flapping around, and Sam just lays there hardly moving at all, unless it’s to slurp the dangling noodle.  Please, allow me to illustrate the sheer brilliance of their dialogue…

Buddy: (Right after a quick pussy munch) What is that shit? Goddammit, stop coming in my mouth!

Buddy: I’m gonna fuck my secretary right in the ass and then come home and make you suck my dick.

Buddy: Every time I run my tongue up your pussy it comes out your asshole. What’s the goddammed deal with that?

Buddy: I want a hot pussy on the grill. That’s what I wanna hear.

Buddy: My horoscope says I’m supposed to fuck you in the nose, in the ears, in the mouth, and in the pussy.

Sam: My horoscope said to get another man.

Buddy: That’s the biggest goddammed pussy I ever seen in my life

Buddy: I’d like to suck your pussy til your head caved in.

Buddy: What’s all this white stuff coming out of you? Why didn’t you tell me that dinner was ready?

Sam: You never can get a hard on so I have to use a rubber dick, you son of a bitch!

Buddy: Want me to fuck you in the ass?

Sam: NOPE!

See, this is what I’m talking about. It’s fucking laugh out load funny stuff. Also, every once in a while you head Buddy go, “Huh?” and look off camera before the audio drops out. My guess is this is the director barking out orders or suggestions to liven up these INCREDIBLY long takes of these two pornographic thespians bickering at one another and groping one another’s genitals in the most unerotic ways imaginable. Also, there are a couple moments the director can be heard burping just off camera. We don;t call it Trash for nothing, folks.

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Soon enough, Bat Pussy shows up on the scene to fight crime and stand up for law and order! But wouldn’t you know it? She gets stripped nekkid almost immediately and starts getting really into whatever is happening in the bad. She writhes, and moans and thrusts her ungroomed lady bits high into the humid air and Buddy continues to complain and pretend to possibly be fucking despite obviously not actually being aroused in the slightest. One of my favorite moments occurs when Sam and Bat Pussy are put into a sixty nine position and Sam just refuses to get her face anywhere near Bat Pussy’s Bat Pussy. Sam keeps her eyes closed like she taking a nap and plays dead. The roll around, writhe, moan, grope, and in the case of Bat Pussy, start hacking up a lung every couple minutes, which is about as sexy as sexy gets. After about fifteen minutes of this action, Bat Pussy throws her costume back on, departs and the film just…ends. Yeah, that’s it. No wrap up, no catharsis, no “plot” closure. It’s just fucking over. You spent your nickel, we’re DONE!

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I feel like my above synopsis comes nowhere close to doing Bat Pussy justice. People say The Room, Plan 9 from Outer Space Troll 2, Samurai Cop, etc. are the worst movies ever made. That THOSE are bad movies. Gang, you have no idea how bad trash cinema can get until you see Bat Pussy. This remarkable feat of total filmmaking ineptitude is so strange and mind boggling, it gives off the sensation that you are watching something forbidden, something mankind was never, ever, actually supposed to witness. This might be the holy grail of obscure trash cinema.  However, I can only recommend this sweaty, greasy, hairy slice of cheese to the most devoted and iron clad of Trash Cinema lovers among us. Honestly, I can only see the rarest of breeds, like Bat Pussy itself, ever really having an appreciation for something so fucking indescribably odd and filthy. Unlike any film I’ve ever watched, you have to see it to believe it. And in the recent 2K restored blu-ray release from AGFA & Something Weird, you will see more than you ever bargained for.

HERE’S A TIP!: If you want to turn this movie into a drinking game, just take a drink anytime someone says “Mother Fucker.”

I’m awarding Bat Pussy:

Three and a Half out of Five Dumpster Nuggets.

AVAILABLE TO RENT AT CAP CITY VIDEO LOUNGE! 

Stay Trashy!

-Root

 

12
Oct
14

Lala: Devil Girl of the Month, October 2014

Happy October, Gang! The Primal Root here, excited beyond compare to introduce you all to our gorgeous, wicked and ravishing October Devil Girl of the Month, Lala. Before you feast your eyes on her phenomenal photo spread, let’s take a moment to get to know this femme fatale with a taste for all things horror.
The Primal Root: Lala, it’s an honor to feature you as our October Devil Girl of the Month! Tell us a little bit about yourself, what you’re up, what your interests are.
Lala: I’m really tickled pink to be picked for October’s Devil Girl, thank you muchly! A bit about myself… Well I’m 24 years of age, born ‘n bred in Milwaukee, WI. I have 2 years of nursing classes under my belt, but I plan on going back for criminal psychology next year.  I live with my boyfriend and his family, although we are scraping together our checks so we can rent an apartment of our own. To have our own space, a place we can truly call our home would be a beautiful thing. I work at my pop’s metal polishing and fabricating shop. Doing mostly grunt work, cleaning, inventory, etc..Interests. Dedicating entire days to nothing but lethargy and horror films, but that’s definitely a given. I’m a voracious reader and anything that is set before me I will devour. Visiting my gramama – she has been like a second mother to me and she is currently living her final days on Earth. Spending time with my boyfriend’s daughter. She’s damn near 2 years old and has a big and bright personality. I take pleasure in the little things. An afternoon with my family or even sharing a comfortable silence with my fella.
 TPR: With Halloween fast approaching, I was wondering if you’d care to share your favorite Trashy flicks that get you in the mood?

Lala: Trashyflicks that get me in the mood aye? The People Under the Stairs. Red Dragon. Excision. Mum & Dad. Natural Born Killers. I Spit on Your Grave. Suspiria. Blind Beast. The Woman. Trick ‘R Treat.

TPR: Excellent selections, my dear! Got a costume in mind for this year’s Samhain?

Lala: For this year’s Samhain, I was spit balling with a few different costume ideas. Perhaps Akasha from Queen of the Damned or Coraline. Maybe Cruella DeVille. Cleopatra mayhaps! I’m quite scatterbrained on the subject. Ha
TPR: Oh WOW! Chomping at the bit to see you do those costumes justice. What song should the viewing audience at home listen to while admiring your Devil Girl shots?
Lala: Hmmmm, I think the song Number One Crush by Garbage would be a swell song to listen to when viewing my Devil Girl shots
 TPR: Sexy AND creepy! Couldn;t have picked a better song, myself! Gotta ask, which cinematic boogieman do you hope you’ll run into this Halloween?
Lala: Without a doubt, I would love nothing more than to run into Leatherface on Devil’s Night. That would be a Devil Girl’s wet dream.
 TPR: You heard her, Leatherface. Get that chainsaw reved up my friend and keep your eyes peeled this Halloween for One Ms. Lala Devil Girl! Alright, Lala, send us off with a favorite Trashy movie quote. Lala: Here’s my trashy quote, the final thought, “Come and get it, you undead sack of shit.” Bubba Ho-Tep
 Well, you heard The Devil Girl, come and get it! Enjoy Lala’s sinful, seductive, bewitching October Devil Girl of the Month spread! Hope you have one very sick and twisted October, Gang and a Trashy Halloween!
Stay Trashy!
-Root
Photos by Lala
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05
Oct
13

Mistress Veronica; October Devil Girl of the Month 2013

Hello there, Gang and HAPPY OCTOBER! We’ve got an early treat for you this Halloween season in the form of our exquisitely beautiful Devil Girl of the Month, Mistress Veronica.  A close comrade of ours here at The Trash Cinema Collective, a familiar face to anyone keeping up with The Primal Root’s Rotten Reviews, and one of the founding members of the Boobarians, it is my pleasure and my sincere honor to unveil Mistress Veronica’s spooky, sexy and badass “Phantom of the Opera” inspired Devil Girl spread. BUT FIRST! Let’s ask Mistress Veronica a few questions, whatdya say?

The Primal Root: Tell us a little bit about yourself, Mistress. Where might your interests lie? tickles you fancy? Tell us what you’re into.

Mistress Veronica:  By day I’m your regular every day secretary-type lady. I also teach bellydance and I bellydance around the US – I love it way more than anyone should. What kind of stuff am I into?….on a good day fishnets and restraints Ah, who am I kidding, I’m the one in charge (hence the name). I am ALL about the classic pin-up, burlesque, costuming of all kinds, and girls in roller derby (PS loved Devil Girl Carrie A. Hatchet). Also anything pumpkin.

Root: As our Devil Girl for the month of October, I was wondering if you might recommend a couple of your favorite Trashy Halloween themed flicks you like to break this time of year.

Mistress Veronica:  Sure!  Killer Klowns From Outer Space is a childhood favorite along with the Leprechaun movies, the Evil Dead series, Beetlejuice, and newly added to my list Troll 2. Less trashy classics include Nightmare Before Christmas and Hocus Pocus. It’s also a great time for all of the Universal classic monster/horror films.

Root:  What song would you recommend The Gang listen to while admiring your lovely Devil Girl set?

Mistress Veronica: “Toccata and Fugue in D Minor” by Bach – when you think of pipe organ, this is probably the music that plays in your head. Nice and creepy and ominous. For something less classic, “Shit Men Say to Symphony” by the Living Deads.

Root:  What’s the scariest damn movie you’ve ever seen? What made it so frightening?

Mistress Veronica:  Hmmmm….No movie is as scary as what’s inside my own noggin, so this is hard to answer. The scariest thing I can think of right now is the tree attack scene in Evil Dead. You know things are wrong when trees are raping people. I couldn’t camp again for months after seeing that.

Root: When you’re out Trick or Treating  what sweet is sure to put a smile on your face?

Mistress Veronica: Hard liquor of any variety! Oh wait, something sweet…put some Coke or Pepsi in it. A Snickers bar is also acceptable.

I think we can mange both, Mistress.  Well, let’s not keep The Gang waiting any longer, without any further a due, feast your eyes on the seductive, the lovely, Mistress Veronica!  Just a heads up, you might need a drool cup…  Stay Trashy! -Root

Photography by Marina Pecorino

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19
Mar
13

Maiden Detroit: Devil Girl of the Month, March 2013

Hey Gang, it’s your pal The Primal Root and I am honored to introduce our Devil Girl of the Month, the beautiful, enigmatic,  Maiden Detroit! Maiden has recently become acquainted with The Trash Cinema Collective so we figured  we’d pummel her with some random questions so we can get to know a bit more about her.  So, please, feast your eyes on Maiden Detroit’s creepy, sexy,  gorgeous,  March Devil Girl spread and be sure to give her a warm welcome to The Collective! Stay Trashy! -Root

The Primal Root:  Maiden, tell us a little bit about yourself. your background, your interests. What the Hell have you been up to lately?

Maiden Detroit: I moved to Tallahassee about 5 years ago from my home, Detroit Michigan. I miss it. But I persevere. Home made me the woman I am today. Strong, tough, dependable, reliable, lovable, me.

TPR: What was the inspiration for your Devil Girl shoot?

MD: I have always been intrigued by death and her mysteries, I’ve been romping around graveyards for so long, out of respect for the unknown. There is something to be said for the unknown.

TPR: Tell us a story! Some kind of bizarre story, an unusual experience you can share with us.

MD: I don’t have many stories; which is unfortunate because I have all the stories. I just don’t kiss and tell.

TPR:  As you well know, we have a passion for movies the majority of film goers consider nonredeemable filth that no rational human being should ever watch. We call it Trash Cinema. What are some of your favorites?

I love all cinema. Movies are a prefect form of escapism. Whether you are sad or happy or looking for a raunchy good time. I take it all in and rejoice in the art. Because without art life does not exist.

Photography by Darla Winn : http://www.flickr.com/photos/zoogal3/

Hair & Makeup by Laura Henry: http://www.facebook.com/HairDesignerLaura

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