Posts Tagged ‘losers

01
Nov
10

Rotten Reviews presents Saw V

SawV_FM

Hey Gang,

The Primal Root here. I just woke up and I have no idea where I am. Somebody kidnapped me while I was a t work and now I am stuck in this place. I have some kind of contraption fastened around my neck and there’s a TV in front of me. I don’t want to jump to conclusions but I have a feeling this is one of those dang Jigsaw traps I’ve heard so much about. I am not sure what I did wrong or what lesson I am going to be forced to learn but it looks like I may have to watch something…something terrible…

Well, if that’s the case I shouldn’t have a problem. Some of my favorite movies are the strangest, sickest, most perverse films ever made! What in the world could Jigsaw possibly show me that would make me consider hurting myself…oh shit…

But is it really Jigsaw behind all this? I guess I’ll have to wait and see. I sense something truly sinister at work here far worse than that megalomaniacal asshole. I guess I’ll have to see this sick game through to the very end and see what twists are in store. Because if I am stuck in a Saw film, there’s one thing I can be sure of…nothing is as it seems.

Stay Trashy,

– Root

24
Sep
10

Rotten Review Ep. 15: Return of the Living Dead 3


Hey Gang,

The Primal Root is back after a month off and to celebrate I am showcasing a piece of Trash Cinema featuring one of my all time favorite zombie femme fatales. That’s right, Ms. Julie Walker as brought to glorious undead life by the unfathomably gorgeous Melinda Clarke.

Get ready for a Special Guest Appearance from Ms. Jessica Critten (in her final appearance), grotesque body self mutilation, angry Latinos, tortured sewer dwelling do-gooders, half naked dancing zombies in chains and lederhosen, 2-4-5 Trioxin, dumb scientists, brain freeze bullets, teenagers listening to lite rock, necrophilia, terrible government security, brain munching and plenty of slimy, freakish canned zombies.

It’s a wild, bloody, stupid ride with Julie and Curt as they tamper in God’s domain and end up paying the price. It’s not quite Bride of Frankenstein…hell, it’s hardly Bride of the Monster. But Return of the Living Dead cracks me up every time and you cannot deny the appeal of a beautiful  re-animated redheaded  zombie girl with metal stuff shoved through her flesh.

Well, I think I’ve sufficiently creeped you all out enough. Enjoy the latest offering from yours truly, The Primal Root, and The Rotten Reviews.

Stay Trashy!

– Root




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