Posts Tagged ‘Gore

15
Feb
17

Twisted Kitten: February Devil Girl Valentine of the Month 2017

Well, hello there, Gang! It’s your old friend The Primal Root and I am eager to introduce to you our exquisite, ravishing, Devil Girl for the Month of February, a blood drenched Valentine just for you, Twisted Kitten! Her spread is certain to get your heart beating right out of your rib cage, ladies and gents…BUT, before we feast our evil eyes, let’s get to know our latest member of The Trash Cinema Collective’s Devil Girl Warriors…

The Primal Root: What appealed to you about the concept of ripping your own heart out of your chest? You certainly made it look quite pleasant!
Twisted Kitten: I love special effects and when Kayla said I was going to be ripping my heart I couldn’t help but be excited. I think it takes a whole new meaning to “eat your heart out”. Thank you, it was rather delicious. And hey if who knew it taste that could, I’d rather eat it then let a guy break it. 😜

Root: Twisted Kitten, could you please tell us a little about yourself? Your passions, what inspires you? How do you keep it Trashy?

Twisted Kitten: I’m college student, my major is in graphic design. But I’m heavily into cosmetology, I love to dye my hair crazy colors. Actually died it red for this shoot. I’m also a Special effects artist and have been doing it for about 5 years, that’s actually how Kayla and I met. I’ve always been into gore. I swear sometimes I think Netflix will run out of horror movies for me. I can’t get enough of those crazy slashers and gruesome thrillers. Bloods never bothered me, in fact I think it’s intriguing. That’s probably another reason I was into this shoot it involved rubbing “blood” on me. I guess you could say I’m a little “TWISTED”. But I’m not all creepy, I also love art and creating it myself. I love to draw and paint and nature usually inspires especially trees I love how their branches intertwine.

Root: So, we just endured the traditional  Hallmark Holiday, Valentine’s Day. What are some of your favorite Trashy Anti-Valentine’s Day flicks you like to bust out on February 14th?
Twisted Kitten: Probably the same as most people the classic anti- Valentine’s Day movie the original My Bloody Valentine from the 80s. The new one is pretty cool to but can’t beat the original right. Besides I’ve always loved older films anyway, probably because my parents grew up in the 80s and they love showing me moves and songs they used to see and hear. I also think Valentines is a good trashy movie to watch on Valentine’s Day. There’s also a more recent movie that I’ll probably start watching on all the holidays to be honest. It’s called Holidays and it’s several segments put together for one movie and it’s a horror story inspired by each holiday. Very cool. Very trashy.
Root: What song would you pick to accompany your Devil Girl spread?

Twisted Kitten: Well at first I was thinking something sexy but while looking for a song a came across something even better. Eat your heart out Annie by the Jodimars. It’s just too perfect. It’s cute valentines-y swing song. I love swing dancing used to know it pretty well when I was younger.
Root: Do you have any filthy words of wisdom for the Trash Cinema Collective hoping to be a Devil Girl/Guy one day?

Twisted Kitten: I think if you want to be a Devil Girl/Guy you should go for it. You should be proud of your body, everyone is unique and beautiful in their own way, hey I look good with blood on my butt, you just have to find something that makes you proud to be you. You also don’t have to be naked to be desiring and tantalizing. Sometimes a little imagination is better. So don’t let that stop you; everyone was very supportive and liked me covering more than the other Devil Girl/Guys. Thank you Trash Cinemas for the opportunity to be part of the trashy family 🙂

 

Root: Twisted Kitten, it is our absolute pleasure to welcome you to The Trash Cinema Collective! Thank you so much for gracing us with this gorgeous, dark and seductive Bloody Valentine. ❤ 

Model and MUAH: Twisted Kitten

Photographer: Rewski Photography

26
Oct
16

Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982) Samhain’s Darkest Horse

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created by Matt Ryan Tobin

 

“I do love a good joke and this is the best ever, a joke on the children.” – Conal Cochran, Halloween III: Season of the Witch

a Primal Root written review

If you know me int he slightest, it’s not a secret by any means, I am enormous fan and champion of the misfit third entry in the long running Halloween horror franchise began by John Carpenter and Debra Hill way back in 1978 with the original Halloween. The exploits of escaped mental patient Michael Myers aka: The Shape (Nick Castle), his considerably psychotic child therapist, Dr. Sam Loomis (Donald Pleasance), and the blossoming young virgin babysitter, Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) came to a close with a fiery explosion at the end of Halloween II. Michael was engulfed in flames that were sure to turn anyone made of flesh and blood to nothing more than a hand full of ash, and CERTAINLY must have killed that goofy nutbag Dr. Loomis who flicked the Bic that blew the explosive gas ward of Haddonfield Memorial Hospital sky high…leaving Laurie Strode alone in an ambulance pondering the terribly contrived and problematic twist that Michael Myers was actually her brother all along, which totally negates the random nature of the horror in the original Halloween and reminds you that if you make sure you know your biological family tree and keep dibs on all the blood thirsty, unkillable maniacs, you can avoid this sort of predicament and spare your friends every Halloween night.

Halloween II would have been a pretty fine conclusion to the story of Haddonfield and it’s brotherly Boogerman, if the original film hadn’t had a far more suitable and deeply unnerving conclusion already, so where was the Halloween franchise to go from it’s 1981 sequel? Would John Carpenter and Debra Hill venture to make another lazy, dull, predictable story about the now totally cremated and burned to smithereens masked madman Michael Myers? Well, if you are familiar with these two remarkably creative, innovative and fearless individuals, you know that this is exactly the road they’re not going to travel. In fact, their decision would go on to become the stuff of legend. The third installment in the Halloween franchise would be a massive departure from the story of Michael Myers and would, instead, tell a brand new, original story based around the holiday of the title, Halloween. It part of an incredibly commercial and brilliant concept of Carpenter and Hill that would make the Halloween franchise a yearly canvas for an infinite number of creative minds and filmmakers to create their own, unique, one off Halloween stories that could birth any number of spinoffs, sequels, remakes, reboots and reimaginings down the road! One paper it sounds like a wonderfully viable and lucrative concept, one that would keep the franchise running strong for decades to come! Debra Hill came up with the basic concept of the story, “witchcraft meets the computer age.” The team contacted Nigel Kneal (writer of the The Quatermass series) who wrote the first draft of the screenplay of what would become Tommy Lee Wallace’s Halloween III: Season of the Witch. 

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Our film begins with the creation of a digital jack-o-lantern set the dark, ominous tones of John Carpenter and Alan Howarth’s fantastic score. Long gone is the iconic Halloween theme that immediately puts audiences on edge. Here, the score is menacing, low, and mysterious. The audience accustomed to the simple stalk and slash formula of the previous entries are clued in right off the bat that there is something different at work here. The jack-o-lantern is no longer something physical we’ve all held, touched and carved before. No, this is something alien and untouchable. As the credits conclude, the computer generated grinning jack-o-lantern begins to flash over white as an audible buzzing is heard. It’s strange, off putting and the significance of this is a totally mystery to us… for now.

The story centers on Dr. Challis (legendary cult icon, Tom Atkins), a flawed, damaged gentleman who is not by any stretch of the imagination your typical hero. This guy is divorced with two kids, a womanizer and, from what it would seem, a functional alcoholic.  At every turn the man is sexually harassing his staff (or, I guess it would just be called flirting in the early 1980’s) of knocking back beer or bourbon. Even when visiting his ex-wife she mentions, as his pager goes off to call him to the hospital, “drinking and doctoring: GREAT combination.” She hasn’t witnessed this man drinking, he just showed up smelling like booze. Yeah, this guy is our hero, ladies and gents!

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Womanizer. Drunkard. Hero.

Challis arrives at the hospital to care for a man in hysterics who is clutching a popular Silver Shamrock Halloween mask and babbling what seems to be nonsense about “They’re going to kill us! All of us!” Challis sedates the man, puts him in a room, slaps the nurses ass and goes to sleep it off in the doctor’s lounge leaving the poor old guy all alone so minutes later a silent man in a three piece suit can just wonder into his room and dismantle his skull bare handed. When Challis is woken up by the nurses cries over the patients sudden case of collapsed skull, he gives chase, but it’s too late. The silent killer has doused himself in gasoline and blown himself up in his car. Challis looks on with a face that clearly expresses and slightly hungover “What the fuck?” The audience feels his pain.

The murdered man’s daughter, Ellie (the gorgeous Stacey Nelkin) shows up to claim the body and the local authorities try to comfort her by claiming it was just a random psychopath who walked in off the streets and single handidly crunched her father’s head into bloody, flappy chunks. The next day she track Dr. Challis down early in the morning at a local bar and enlists his help to figure out just who wanted her Father dead and why. Dr. Challis, who can never say no to a free booty call, grabs a sixer of Miller High Life, calls his ex-wife to back out of his obligations and heads off the Santa Mira, home of Silver Shamrock Novelties, the town her Father was last seen headed before he became a babbling lunatic with a warrant out for his noggin.

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What Dr. Challis and Ellie uncover between swigs of bourbon and all night fuck sessions, is a vast, deadly, evil conspiracy, one that has been conjured up over hundreds of years and will bring the world to it’s knees as horrifically grotesque sacrifice is made. As the mastermind behind this horrifying plan suggests, “The World is going to change tonight.” And if this evil madman’s scheme does pull through, the world will be transformed forever…

***SPOILERS AHEAD! IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE FILM DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER!****

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Okay, so it turns out the guy who runs Silver Shamrock novelties, Conal Cochran (played with enthusiasm and cheerful menace by the late, great, Dan O’Herlihy) is a druid and a warlock with a massive army of murderous robot people. He also has stolen a block from stonehenge and is chipping off pieces of the missing block to add just a fragment of the stone into the Silver Shamrock Halloween masks along with a small computer chip. What is the importance of all this? Why is Mr. Cochran willing to murder people in order to ensure these masks are made and are the hottest Halloween masks on the market?  What is the deal with the big giveaway happening Halloween night where all the children must watch their TV’s while wearing their Silver Shamrock masks in order to win? Because it’s all part of a grand scale child sacrifice. That’s right, when the big giveaway happens, those wearing the Silver shamrock Halloween masks will be subjected to a blinking jack-o-lantern. This image in conjunction with the piece from stonehenge will end up melting the head of the child wearing  mask and produce copious amounts of roaches, spiders, and venomous snakes.

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Yes, this plan is totally fucking bonkers. Evil always works best when it’s bonkers, if you ask me. It;s so bizarre, so downright disturbing and nightmarish, it totally devastated me when I was a kid watching Halloween III: Season of the Witch for the first time. In the typical language of cinema, the kid never dies. Then you see Halloween III: Season of the Witch, you do not only get to witness a little kid get his head melted, but you watch as he, still living, chokes up rattle snakes, roaches and and tarantulas before his horrified parents eyes. I honestly watched the scene much like Dr. Challis does as he watches through a monitor in Cochran’s secret warehouse. You cannot believe what you’re seeing. It;s so dark and weird and macabre and unflinchingly grim…it then dawns on you that in matter of hours this is going to happen everywhere. In every living room all over the world. I know a lot of people bring up that THE BIG GIVEAWAY is at 9pm and that the movie didn’t account for time zones. Ugghh, I am sure the time zones are adjusted and that the filmmakers just didn’t want to make it monotonous by listing ALL THE DIFFERENT TIME ZONES all of the world.  Anyhoo, it’s a nightmare to imagine as kids die a prolonged, agonizing, supernatural death and their poor parents then get attacked by the living, nasty contents of their now melted spawns cranium. I can’t help but imagine what this little practical joke will do to the economic thrust of the holiday season. Shit. Little Buddy’s head is gone, I guess we can return that Atari to Toys R’ Us…

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Also, I must address the Ellie controversy. A lot of people wonder if she was  robot all along or not. My theory is that Ellie was a real, flesh and blood human being through the whole movie until she is captured by Cochran and used to lure Dr. Challis to the Silver Shamrock Factory. Cochran had a crude robot duplicate of her made, Dr. Challis rescues that robot,and Ellie is left to burn alive in the Silver Shamrock explosion. Yeah, my theory is dark, bleak and assumes the female lead suffers a brutal death by burning all alone in the bowels of mad toy maker’s factory, but to me that is the appeal of Halloween III: Season of the Witch. Our hero is inept, saves no one, including his own children and the world witnesses the absolute terror that Conal Cochran has unleashed upon the world. The film ends with Tom Atkins, Dr. Challis, screaming into the phone as the Silver shamrock jack-o-lantern flashes on the screen, “STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IIIIIIIITTTT!” And the credits roll. He doesn’t win. We are left to imagine the outcome of this gruesome terrorist attack. To this day, the ending of Halloween III: Season of the Witch sends chills down my spine. If you think about it, that ending could symbolize the corporate take over of America. Our youth poisoned by what they are fed day in and day out through all forms of media until their heads rot and the same nasty, mean, venomous shit comes pouring from their mouths. Fuck…could Atkins have been trying to warn us all long? Did the evil that occurred at the end of Halloween III: Season of the Witch already occur? I take a glimpse from time to time and see what comes spewing into my living room through cable television and it’s not hard to imagine that the kind of televised consumer apocalypse may have already happened.

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Halloween III: Season of the Witch is a the underdog of the entire franchise. History speaks for itself. The movie bombed horribly due to the fact it was critically panned and the fans wanted more of the same, which they got a few years later in the hideously underwhelming Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers, which I do enjoy, it’s just a really, really, cheap, poorly shot, and not very entertaining or inspired movie.

To be be perfectly honest, I couldn’t stand Halloween III: Season of the Witch when I first saw it as a child. It was too dark, too mean and there was no Michael Myers!I was right there with the folks who were disappointed in the lack of familiar elements.  However, time has been very kind to Halloween III: Season of the Witch, it has grown into a sort of cult favorite among horror movie aficionados. After watching the same Michael Myers bullshit over and over and over I began to go back to Halloween III: Season of the Witch just to remind myself why I didn’t like it. Just like many of my horror brethren, I think many of us found what we initially presumed to be the film’s weaknesses to actually be this movie’s greatest strengths. Folks like myself who revel in the third installments stand alone story, bizarre gore effects, disturbing mystery, incredible fresh and creepy score, nightmarish concepts and and damn fine performances. It’s the last of the high quality, well shot and intriguing Halloween films and possibly my favorite of the entire series, including John Carpenter’s original, which I have tremendous respect for…but Halloween III: Season of the Witch is such a one of kind masterpiece of the macabre, I look forward to watching it every single Halloween season. Don’t get me wrong, I love Michael Myers and the original Halloween just fine, but like I said earlier, I always like my evil to be a bit more fucking bonkers side of things.

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created by Cavity Colors

Every October I watch as people create more and more original art based on Halloween III: Season of the Witch as it’s cult status and admiration grows. I’m not going to lie, it brings a salty tear to this Trash Cinema fans eye every year as I watch what was once the laughing stock and whipping boy of the Halloween franchise become more and more the stand out and most beguiling dark corner of the whole series.

I award Halloween III: Season of the Witch 5 out of 5 Dumpster Nuggets.

 

 

10
Aug
16

(NSFW) Little China Brawl: August Devil Girl of the Month (2016)

Hey Gang, The Primal Root here, and it is my privilege to introduce to you our August 2016 Devil Girl of the Month, Little China Brawl. She is gracing us with astounding, dark, wet, sexy set drenched in gore paying homage to the quintessential 1980’s slasher series all Trash Cinema Collective Members hold near and dear to their filthy little hearts, A Nightmare on Elm Street. Let’s get to know Freddy’s wet dream, Little China Brawl, before we delve deep into the naked Nightmare on Elm Street…

 

The Primal Root: Little China Brawl, let me start off by complimenting you on such an incredible Devil Girl spread. It’s absolutely astounding. Why did you choose A Nightmare on Elm Street as your Trashy Devil muse?

Little China Brawl: Thank you for letting me join and take part in this! I think there’s nothing scarier than not being able to escape from your nightmares and what scares you can also be incredibly exciting.

TPR: All that blood! How was it modeling for your nekkid Devil Girl spread under such gory conditions and whose blood was it you used?

LCB: It was ridiculously enjoyable. It was fun to be all squirmy and sticky. It was really hard NOT to laugh… which I did quite a lot. And for legal purposes, I cannot at this time disclose whose blood it used to be. It’s mine now.

TPR: If you could pick one quote from Freddy Krueger that has touched you the deepest and filled your heart with inspiration, what would it be?

LCB: “Every town has an Elm Street.” I think that kind of speaks volumes to the nature that is Freddy. Everyone gets afraid and at some point you have to face it.

TPR: Freddy vs. Jason. Who should have won and why?

LCB:Freddy, because you can’t escape and you can’t stay awake.

TPR: When you aren’t being stalked and slashed in your worst nightmares by one of cinemas most iconic villains, what do you do for fun? What are some of your hobbies and claims to fame?

LCB: I’m either knitting or karaoking or doing comedy or a hybrid of them at the same time. I love keeping my hands busy so I’m either holding knitting needles or a microphone and I love getting loud. I’ve been pretty successful with my knitting and I’ve done conventions locally as well as out of town and fully funded three Kickstarters.

TPR: Alright, Dream Warrior, what are some of your favorite Trashy movies?

LCB: Easily, hands down, Frankenhooker. It’s the reason I wanted to become a devil girl. Exotic Zombie is definitely my devil idol.

TPR: What song would best accompany your Devil Girl spread?

LCB: I Want You by Elvis Costello sung by Fiona Apple. I love her delivery and how shakey and creepy she makes this already aggressive song.

TPR: Last, but not least, do you have any words of wisdom to pass on to The Trash Cinema Collective before we check out your Devil Girl spread?

LCB: Do what you love, and if what you love to do is get weird and naked you’re with the right people. Get trashy. You’re in good company.

Photography by Kayla King of Rewski Photography

 

04
Jan
16

Tromeo and Juliet: A Trash Cinema Event!

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WHO: The Trash Cinema Collective
WHAT: A screening of the 1996 film Tromeo and Juliet
WHEN: Saturday February 6th at 9pm (EST)
WHERE: Bird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack
WHY: Because we believe in spreading the Tromance.

As Always, NO COVER!

Hey Gang, The Primal Root here and Valentine’s Day is right around the corner! While you could spend exorbitant amounts of your hard earned pennies on bullshit that no one needs or wants, like moldy chocolates and flowers born to wither and die, all in the hopes that your love will last a little bit longer and that your significant other wont stab you in the throat for forgetting this most important of Hallmark holidays by purchasing worthless commecial goods, your friends at The Trash Cinema Collective have a better suggestion…

Why not take the love and/or fuck buddy of your life out for an evening of deep romance, buckets of gore, beasts covered in slime and tits-a-plenty? That’s right! Trash Cinema Nights at Bird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack has your back with a screening of the cult classic brutal, goofy, absolutely extrordinary slice of Trash, the 1996 Troma (of course!) masterpiece,Tromeo and Juliet! Directed by legendary filmmaker Lloyd Kaufman (The Toxic Avenger, Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D.) and written by James Gunn (Guardians of the Galaxy, Slither) Tromeo and Juliet is a contemporary retelling of the Shakespearian tragedy, Romeo and Juliet, only with and the sex, death and dismemberment Shakespeare always intended,

So, prepare yourself for raisin loaf! Chicks with bull dicks! Girl on girl action! Guy on guy action! Finding peanuts! Skull crushing! Nipple piercing! Crossbow battles! Masturbation! Phone sex! Costume parties! Butt plugs! Giant penis monsters and so much more! Shakespeare would be proud.

YES! The Primal Root ivites you to bring the one you love and join your friends from The Trash Cinema Collective at Bird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack Saturday February 6th at 9pm, sink your teeth into the BEST damn burger in town, tip back a pitcher of your favortie ice cold adult beverage and let’s all gather together and spread the love with Tromaville’s most beautiful love story, Tromeo and Juliet! Hope to see you there, Gang!

Stay Trashy!
-Root

30
Dec
15

Revenge of the Ninja (1983):Battle Without Honor or Pants

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a Primal Root written review

“Only a ninja can stop a ninja.” – Sho Kosugi, Revenge of the Ninja

Holy shit, who doesn’t love a no holds barred, ball the the wall, bone crunching, spirit smashing, head splitting ninja flick? There are a handful of truly damn fine ninja flicks that immediately spring to mind. Flicks like Ninja in the Dragon’s Den (1982), Ninja bugeicho momochi sandayu aka: Shugun’s Ninja (1980). But the majority of ninja movies were kind of rinky dink, low budget Trash Cinema weirdness, many released by the kingpins of bargain basement oddities, Cannon Films in the 1980’s. Offerings like American Ninja (1986), Enter the Ninja (1981), Ninja III: The Domination (1984), etc. Thankfully for these sort of flicks, the goofier it gets, the more entertaining it often becomes. Case in point, 1983’s Revenge of the Ninja.

Revenge of the Ninja, Hell, the plot is right the in the title! So you know exactly what you’re in for the moment you sit down to watch this sucker. After a long standing feud ends with his entire family (men, women, children, grandma, grandpa, dogs, cats, etc.) brutally butchered before the opening credits by a swarm of merciless ninja assassins, Cho Osaki (Sho Kosugi) takes his surviving infant son and his wise old Mama to the United States of America to start a gallery for little geisha dolls and begin life a new in the land of opportunity.

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Only thing is, to the total ignorance of Cho, his white bread yuppie all American Capitalist best buddy is using the doll gallery as a front for his heroin smuggling operation which is in cahoots with an incredibly dangerous Yakuza syndicate in Japan and a local mob cartel. Once this betrayal is revealed to Cho, he realizes that no matter how far her runs, or where he hides, the shadow of his ninja past will always fall upon him and those he loves.

Just like the old guard of ninja films in the 1970’s, Sonny Chiba, Sho Kosugi carried the torch and carved ninja terminology onto 1980’s martial arts lexicon and maintained his dignity throughout a career that spanned movies such as The Godfather part II (1974) (where he played Passerby in Coat with Cap Pulled Down) to The Bad News Bears Go to Japan (1978) to Blind Fury (1989) and Ninja Assassin (2009). Kosugi gives the character of Cho Osaki a strong presence all at once badass and impenetrable and also incredibly empathetic. You can’t help but root for the guy.

Revenge of the Ninja is far and away the cream of the crop when it comes to American brand Shinobi flicks  of the 1980’s. The movie is is heavy on the unrelenting action sequences and the whole thing rolls out like a Double Dragon video game. Seriously, if you have a stop watch you can try it at home, there’s an action just about ever 5-7 minutes during the films run time. You paid for ninja carnage? Revenge of the Ninja understand and delivers a buffet of all you can eat martial arts awesomeness. Revenge of the Ninja faithfully adheres to the chopsocky action formula where every single new setting is pretty much guarantees that there’s some goons hiding right around the corner ready to get a brawl started.

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One of the stand out battles takes place in a crowded public park replete with an extensive jungle gym. Cho has gotten word that there’s a gang that hangs out there who might have information regarding his kidnapped son and who vandalized his doll gallery. Sure enough, Cho shows up in broad daylight and confronts this gang of thugs, who look just like the alternate dimension evil version of The Village People and the extended fight is on! Cho kicks everyone’s ass, and no information is gained, the plot is not furthered, the movie just had to kick some ass for a while and MAN is it spectacular.

There’s also a pretty outstanding chase sequence where Sho is on foot chasing down a van filled with thugs. The guy leaps over walls in a single bound, runs atop cars, barreling none stop in pursuit of the speeding van, determined to get his stolen heroine dolls back. Cho ends up JUMPING THROUGH the windshield of the van where he beings battling the occupants. That is, until Cho is thrown from the van, grabs onto the bumper and is dragged behind on his knees for several city blocks transforming his slacks into daisy dukes and leaving the poor mans legs a ravaged, bloody mess.  The stunts and fight choreography are still awe inspiring even by today’s standards. Shit, if this were to be made today all these stunts and shit would require computer assistance. Revenge of the Ninja serves up the real deal.

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Also, there’s a jaw dropping final battle atop a city high rise that’s quite elaborate, if not a little chuckle worthy due to the Wile E Coyote nature of the battle. It;s on the rooftop and over the top and includes a leaping battle on a tennis court and an odd bit of battling in a hot tub… Trust me, it’s remarkable. Every ninja tick in the book is here and accounted for.

The entire film is caked in blood with plentiful amounts of nasty, gory deaths. Bones are broken, faces mangled and blood splashes across the screen, all in good fun. But, for me. the highlight of the whole film is when Cho spares with a young and eager blonde woman looking to get pummeled below the belt by her Sensei, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. She shows up to spare wearing NO PANTS OR PANTIES! Even Cho makes note of this when he remarks, “Well, if you wanna work out, you forgot your pants! ” to which his student, Cathy, retorts, “You really think I forgot?” and they end up sparing for a little bit as she’s flashing her snatch the entire time! Gang, this is cinematic gold of the trashiest proportions. I mean, how many bottomless training scenes have you witnessed? It’s really wonderful stuff.

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REVENGE OF THE NINJA, 1983, (c)Canon Films

What’s also worth mentioning is that one of Kosugi’s son’s, Kane Kosugi, made his film debut here as Cho’s little boy and ninja attack survivor turned martial arts wizard and eventual hostage, Kane Osaki. Kane has a pretty hysterical battle with a group of school bullies on his way home with his grandmother. He ends up whooping every single one of them before his Father catches on and he gets scolded for being awesome. Kane is still enjoying a pretty damn healthy career these days with titles such as Godzilla: Final Wars (2004), Ninja: Shadow of a Tear (2013) and Muscle Heat (2002) under his belt.

Revenge of the Ninja is actually the second installment of the Ninja franchise Cannon Films produced. It began with Enter the Ninja (1981) starring a poorly dubbed over Franco Nero of Django fame as the ninja who enters and the trilogy ended with the laughably bizarre Ninja III: The Domination (1984) where an aerobics instructor ends up being possessed by an evil ninja from beyond the grave. We’ll talk about those flicks some other time. 😉 As far as I’m concerned, Revenge of the Ninja is the Empire Strikes Back of the series.

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Revenge of the Ninja is a finely tuned, gore drenched thrill a minute action film and a damn fine example of the genre.Well directed by Cannon Films veteran Sam Firstenberg, scored strikingly, catchy score courtesy of Rob Walsh and a damn near perfect screenplay James R Silke, Revenge of the Ninja is among the very best examples of pure, unadulterated Trash Cinema martial arts action.  And you won’t even need your pants and panties to enjoy it.

You GOTTA see Revenge of the Ninja.

I’m awarding this sucker FIVE out of FIVE Dumpster Nuggets.

Stay Trashy!

-Root

21
Nov
15

(NSFW) The Living Deads (LIVE) and The Taint: A Trash Cinema Event!

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WHO: The Living Deads and The Trash Cinema Collective
WHAT: a screening of the 2011 flick The Taint followed by a LIVE performance by our good friends in filth, THE LIVING DEADS!
WHEN: Sunday, December 13th at 9:00pm (EST)
WHERE: Bird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack
WHY: Because the bodacious Trashmas blessings keep on rolling in, Gang!

 

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Hey Gang, The Primal Root here, and this Trashmas season just keeps getting sleazier and more enjoyable all the time. On Sunday December 13th at 9:00pm (EST) come join your friends from The Trash Cinema Collective as we kick back and enjoy one of the nastiest, scummiest, most genuinely entertaining pieces of contemporary Trash Cinema, that I, The Primal Root, has witnessed in a very long time, THE TAINT! If extreme comic violence, projectile cumming penises, face ripping, and coat hanger abortion sterilizations offend you, this is not the movie foe you. However, if you into the truly depraved, hilarious and inappropriately Trashy, The Taint will more than satisfy your hunger. It’s like Troma meets John Waters. The delicate flowers have been warned.

AND GUESS WHAT! Right afterwards we will be treated to a LIVE performance by the one and only THE LIVING DEADS! Get ready to shake your ass to some down and dirty old school rock and roll from the sexy, sultry, Symphony Tidwell and that badass brute, Randee Mcknight! Every time these guys come to town and play at Bird’s it becomes the stuff of legends. You never know what will happen!

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So, come on out and join your friends from The Trash Cinema Collective for an evening’s entertainment you will never forget! Seriously, you will be changed forever.

Hope to see you there, Gang!

Let’s get Trashy!
-Root

22
Apr
15

The Taint (2010) Filth Beyond Your Wildest Dreams (NSFW)

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a Primal Root written review

“No one’s going to stop anything ever again!”

Gang, in the world of current Trash Cinema I am seldom supremely impressed anymore. It’s easy to shock people or gross them out, but to entertain while doing so? Not since John Waters or Lloyd Kaufman have I seen a filmmaker who can pull it off so seamlessly. Enter, filmmakers Drew Bulduc and Dan Nelson and their exemplarily slice of down and dirty filth, The Taint. Not since Pink Flamingos have I been this genuinely entertained and repulsed by a movie. Here’s the low down…

The Taint is the story of a very different kind of apocalypse. The world’s water supply becomes tainted by a mysterious chemical which affects only men, making their cocks grow ridiculously large, spew goopy man milk through the air, and drives them to homicidal rage towards women, whom they dispatch in graphic, nasty, hysterical ways. We learn of this taint through an excellent opening credit sequences that explicitly shows the spread of the chemical agent through our world and just how vast it’s reach is. I’m not going to spoil it, but we do get to see just how and why this chemical agent was created and how it ended up contaminating our water supply. Trust me, it’s a story well worth witnessing.

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As society collapses a handful of survivors must come to terms with this new world of brutal violence,  constantly hard, violently ejaculating cocks and men who have become monsters, constantly looking for female skulls to crush. Two survivors, Phill O’Ginny (Drew Bolduc) a man-whore teenage skater who’s too cool for school and Misandra (Colleen Walsh) a shot gun toting, take no prisoners feminist badass must band together in the heat of this armageddon to do battle with the hordes of psychopaths, both tainted and un-tainted, and face down their personal demons in order to pave their own way in this terrifying new world order.

The Taint is the most brashly wonderful and original piece of trash cinema I’ve seen in what feels like an eternity. It is a film of uncommon grotesqueries to match it’s extraordinary intelligence. The jokes and gags are made so much stronger due to the wit behind them. Sure, you’re witnessing mindless death and destruction filled with puke, piss, shit, tits and dicks, but it’s all handled with such confidence and savvy, that it is goddamn impossible to not be thoroughly entertained. I could not wait to see where this fucking madman of a movie was going to take me next. The score, which is fucking spectacular and composed by Drew Bolduc, feels like a beautiful mix of John Carpenter at his very best mixed by Daft Punk and then fucked an 8-Bit video game.

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The Taint never lets up, never slows down and is never short of incredible concepts, savage strangeness or fantastic energy. It feels like the most amazing backyard movie project ever filmed. There’s even an underlying and interesting subtext broaching such subjects as post-feminist society, misogyny and misandry in American culture. We watch as women are killed, their blood spraying through the air as men jerk off and laugh while watching. In another scene, a woman mentions how all men will eventually turn into this a monster, lusting after the destruction of women…and then we can;t help but laugh as a rock hard cock gets shoved through her skull and out her face before a young man packing heat blows the cock off and calls the cock wielder a misogynist. It’s ludicrous and hysterical but at least it’s trying to strike the conversation up. And for this, I totally commend The Taint.

I am in love with this film. I am going to go buy a copy, abduct people, tie them to the couch and make them watch it. Well, maybe just continually invite a steady stream of my Trash Cinema loving friends over to witness The Taint‘s greatness. If we still lived in a world with art house cinemas and drive-in theaters, The Taint would be an instant Midnight Movie classic. Why The Taint is not a sensation, I have no clue. But I will preach the gospel of The Taint to my last dying breath. Gang, this is Trash Cinema at it’s very finest. virtuoso filmic filth. YOU MUST SEE THIS! Find a copy, come over to my house, or attend a Trash Cinema Night at Bird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack one day when we screen it. IF you love what Drive-In Movies once were, witness the second coming. The Taint is one of the funniest, nastiest, most ceaselessly entertaining flicks I’ve ever seen.

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FIVE out of FIVE Dumpster Nuggets! INSTANT TRASH CINEMA CLASSIC!

Stay Trashy!

-Root




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