Posts Tagged ‘foreign

23
Apr
13

Trash Cinema Night’s May 4th Star Wars Triple Feature!

May 4th

Hey Gang! As luck would have it, our official May Trash Cinema Night at Bird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack here in Tallahassee Florida  just so happens to fall on May4th. You know, “May the Fourth Be With You!” what many consider Star Wars Day! So, to celebrate we are hosting our first ever TRIPLE FEATURE honoring the Trashier Side of the Star Wars Legacy!

Beginning at 6:30 pm (EST) we will be showing in this order:

Star Wars Holiday Special: (1978) which aired on CBS, tells the tender story of Chewbacca and Han Solo as they drop by Kashyyyk, Chewbacca’s home world, to celebrate Life Day. but it’s a bumpy ride as the Empire’s after Han and everyone’s favorite Wookie! Featuring bizarre dance numbers, comedy sketches, the late Bea Arthur, Harvey Korman in black face and drag simultaneously, the first ever appearance of Boba Fett (in an animated short) and a rousing performance by Jefferson Starship, The notoriously awful Star Wars Holiday Special will fill your heart with Trashy delight and make you long for the prequels. Featuring Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, R2-D2 and Harrison Ford!

Star-Wars-Holiday-Special

Spaceballs:is Mel Brooks’ classic 1987 Sci-Fi comedy spoof of the Star Wars franchise. Planet Spaceball has used up all of it’s air supply and it’s diabolical leader, President Skroob (Mel Brooks), has come up with fiendish plan to steal the oxygen from Planet Druidia by sending DarK Helmet (Rick Moranis) to kidnap Princess Vespa (Daphne Zuniga) and hold her for ransom. It is up to Lone Star (Bill Pullman) and his sidekick Barf (John Candy) to save the day! Also featuring Joan Rivers, Dick Van Patten, and George Wyner, Spaceballs has become a cult classic and the unrivaled Star Wars spoof!

spaceballs

Turkish Star Wars (English Dub): : (1982) we’ll be showing an English dubbed version of this Turkish science fiction adventure film notorious for it’s ridiculous dialog, acting, costumes, effects and unauthorized use of Star Wars footage. fighter pilots Murat and Ali crash land on a desert planet following a battle that closely resembles the final battle in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. Both men speculate the planet is inhabited only by women, but when Murat let’s loose his Wolf Whistle, in order to attract the lovely ladies, he instead calls down an army of skeletons on horseback wielding swords. this is just the beginning of this absurd, over the top, goofy-as-all-Hell Star Wars wannabe. Trust us, this one is NOT TO BE MISSED!

turkish-star-wars-dvd-all-region-pal-english-subtitles-02e23

So come on out and join The Trash Cinema Collective at 6:30pm (EST)  to celebrate the rarely celebrated part of the Star Wars legacy at Bird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack in Tallahassee Florida! As Always, NO COVER!  sink you teeth into one of the BEST damn burgers in town, wash it down with an ice cold brew and kick back from some down and dirty Trash Cinema from a galaxy far, far, away!  See you there!

Stay Trashy!

-Root

14
Feb
11

CHEEKY! or Why Sex is Way Cooler Than Violence (NSFW)

a Trash Cinema After Dark review
Written by The Primal Root

Sex is incredible; The feeling of being intensely aroused by another human being, the electricity of having that feeling reciprocated, and the excitement as your bodies move closer, are some of life’s greatest thrills. Without sex—the most innate of all human interactions—life just wouldn’t be worth living. There’s nothing in this world that can fill us with such a sense of vigor as a good, healthy, consensual, fuck. It’s life’s natural exclamation point.
This is why I find it such a shame that in my country (the good ‘ol, U.S. of A.) we treat coitus like it’s the most horrifying act imaginable. A perfect example is the recent film Blue Valentine, which was initially slapped with an NC-17 rating for showing two adults getting it on. Show a female nipple (or two) or, heaven forbid, a penis… and it’s labeled obscene. That is how the nude human body is viewed in our arcane society. Americans can handle watching people being killed on prime time local news networks. They are comfortable with the fact that Hollywood scenes of graphic, horrific violence are open to audiences who can’t even legally buy cigarettes. But throw a titty up on the screen, and our morally immature citizens come marching out of the woodwork, rambling righteously through their loudspeakers.
This mind set sucks, gang. When America’s moral scale is tipped by the mere glimpse of a woman’s breasts, but remains undisturbed by the hacking off of genitals (a la Eli Roth), something is horribly off with our equilibrium.
Which is why I thank my lucky stars for those artists who rebel against our ridiculous moral code and create films that explore human sexuality, for those courageous few who unabashedly bring sex into the light and force us to take a nice, long look. Sex isn’t as simple as many pornographers might lead us to believe. It’s a complex jumble of human experience and emotion. It can be just as cruel and vindictive as it is amazing and beautiful. It can be superficial or it can be deeply meaningful. It can trample us down just as easily as it can lift us up.

Sex is powerful, without question. Whether you save yourself for marriage or have a dozen lovers in every zip code, you cannot deny that sex is an ever-present force in our day-to-day lives.


Which brings me to Italian filmmaker, Tinto Brass’s 2000 flick, Cheeky (Trasgredire). It is a film about two lovers, our star Carla (Yuliya Mayarchuk) and her jealous fella Matteo (Jarno Beradi). Carla is a strikingly beautiful, free spirited young woman who is in London looking to find the perfect apartment for Matteo. She explores the city in see through, skin-tight tank tops and mini skirts (without the aid undergarments).  Does she seem ashamed? Not in the slightest. She’s proud of what she’s packing and flaunts her sexuality openly.
This how we are introduced to her: smiling, self confident and gorgeous, bouncing through some park right out of Penthouse Forum, where everyone is either fondling someone else’s crotch or showing off their own. Or, as in the case of one woman, rolling though on a rascal scooter while she walks her dog. It’s the park that underwear forgot; women spread their legs freely as they sit in the grass, people get pounced behind trees and an old man ruins the sanctity of this innocent sex oasis by flashing his didgeridoo from beneath a stained rain coat. Carla is at first shocked, but then flashes her own lovely sexual anatomy at the old man causing him to flee, frightened by such an assertive woman.


This is the world Cheeky explores. There’s a ton of sex going on here. When the act isn’t happening in the here and now of the film, there’s a flashback to some other point when someone was having sex. There is literally not ONE character here without sexual motivations… as, one could argue, there are few people in real life who aren’t driven by some sexual motivation, bubbling just beneath the surface. But in Carla’s world, everyone’s intentions are out in the open and to the viewer this is refreshing and titillating, though maybe a bit disconcerting at first.
Hell, as soon as Carla heads to a real estate office to enquire about rental properties, she is promptly hit on and groped by the statuesque lesbian real-estate agent, Moira (Francesca Nunzi). Carla is befriended by Moira but never gives into her wild flirting (so as not to betray Matteo), even when they are in the shower and Moira begins sticking her finger into Carla’s ‘lady region’.
Matteo, on the other hand, is the only repressed character in the movie. While on the phone with Carla, who is masturbating and telling him about the hot woman who hit on her, Matteo can only express his fear and insecurity regarding Carla’s fidelity and beg her to hurry to London so they can get it on. Seriously, Matteo needs to get a fucking clue, man. His character is a frustrating, wet towel of a character whom the viewer just want to forget about and get back to Carla’s flirty and fun sexually charged romps around London. Matteo’s pouty, emo existence is made even worse when he uncovers old nude photos of Carla along with letters from an old flame. Being the insecure man he is, Matteo takes this opportunity to rip Carla a new one, causing a fracture in their relationship.
Without spoiling all the fun, that’s the basic plot in Tinto Brass’s Cheeky, which is heavy on genitalia low on story. Cheeky stands in direct opposition to many of Tinto’s previous works like Caligula and Salon Kitty; which, though sexually charged, presented sex as something sinister, ugly and often trite. But sex, within Cheeky, is presented as something festive, to be enjoyed someone you care about. There is an moment in the movie that reminds us how hollow it can feel if sex is had for the wrong reasons. It’s the single sad moment in an otherwise uplifting (in more ways that one) flick about the joys of sex and the adventure of life.


There are some truly inspired sex scenes here, nothing too gratuitous, but often showing more anatomy than you would ever find in any late night offerings from Skinemax. There is one scene that stands out for me, which is a flashback sequence between Carla and her former lover, Bernard. The scene takes place on the beach in mid-day and is shot entirely in slow motion. It’s a strikingly photographed, choreographed and edited sequence that is as deeply arousing as it is light hearted and delicate. Tinto Brass proves himself to have a knack for a creating very sweet, lovely bits of cinematic erotica to counter point his darker, more painful material.

And, to be honest, I enjoy this light and fluffy sex romp far more than the hard-edged material of his past. I know, I know, I am supposed to be Mister Hardcore. But when it comes to sex, I tend to enjoy the sweet stuff as opposed to people being shot by Nazi generals while standing naked in a sauna or seeing men have their penises bound and then being graphically gutted on screen. Yeah, I think I’ll go with the fun stuff where everyone’s junk is left intact, thank you very much.
It’s a strange, sexy, mixed up world out there filled with wonder, chaos, and madness. Sex is an amazing gift, not something to live in fear of or dismiss as an ugly, disgusting act. If there’s one thing on this planet we should rejoice in, it is each other.

I look forward to my continued investigation into Tinto Brass’s filmography. If you have any recommendations for me I’d love to hear them!

Stay Trashy,
-The Primal Root

07
Nov
10

Joy of Sex or High School Hymen Hijinks

a Primal Root review

Man, was there any place worse than high school? That scarring, disturbing hellish melting pot of awkwardness, hormones and stomach churning maliciousness that sticks with you and haunts your dreams the rest of your miserable life. Really, there have been only two entertainment incarnations that have ever done the experience justice. My So-Called Life and Oz.

I attended high school in the declining days of the 1990’s. Limp Bizkit was causing teenagers across the nation to start cutting into their own flesh with razors in hopes of drawing the pain to their bodies as opposed to their souls as some ape-man shit nookie into their ears. This was the seed that lead to the emo  music wave in the naughties. And we all know how that turned out.

I am getting off track here, I went to high school in the 90’s so I have no idea what it was like in the 80’s.  But as it is portrayed in the 1984 stinker, Joy of Sex, it may have been just as bad. If not worse. It was a time where all you could do to entertain yourself  was super glue sexually suggestive items all over school and join the exclusive all male flatulence club, “The Blue Flamers” where you pile about eight guys into a midsized car and light your farts on fire. Yes, this scene is graphic and glorious and one young man nearly immolates himself asshole first. Yes, I did laugh out loud.

The title of the film in question, Joy of Sex, is possibly one of the most misleading I’ve come across in a while. You hear ‘Joy of Sex’ and you see a moderately attractive bikini clad woman on the VHS box and you assume you are in for a light hearted sex romp ala My Tutor or Porky’s. In actuality the whole film revolves around Leslie Hindenberg (Michelle Meyrink of The Outsiders and Revenge of the Nerds fame)  a  thirty something year old high school virgin. As is the tradition of most high school sex films she is on a deadline to get that mystical and precious cherry popped. But there’s a twist! Leslie went to get a mole on her chest checked out by her doctor whom she overhears talking about a plant dying within a couple weeks and she mistakes this as her diagnosis. So, now that we’ve established she’s an absolute moron her time table for getting fucked has just stepped up.

Despite the complete lack of sex in the film Joy of Sex it does manage to deliver in the comedy department on occasion. A good majority of the laughs are delivered by the obligatory foreign exchange student who pisses on Richard Nixon High School’s ( cover up the right letters and you get HARD ON High School! What a hoot!) principal, Mr. Porter (played by a bald Ernie Hudson who must have served as the inspiration behind Stranger’s with Candy’s Principal Blackman) and when presented with a stuffed beef heart by his American hosts, proclaims “Thank you for the shit!”

This is some very low level comedy, maybe I am an easy audience, because I laughed at all this stupid shit.

Christopher Lloyd also turns up in Joy of Sex as Leslie’s over protective gym teacher father. Sadly, he shows more skin than anyone else in this film when he strips down to a pair of  yellow bikini briefs. Of all the most unflattering underwear colors to choose from yellow is just a notch above brown.  I remeber Robert Zemeckis claiming on some Back to the Future special features that BTTFp3 was Christopher Lloyd’s first ever on screen kiss. This simply is not so. Not only does Lloyd get to make out with the lady playing his wife he also gets a blow job out of the deal. Not too bad, Emmet!

There’s no violence outside of an out of place graphic and bloody face plant on a padded mat during gym class and the nudity is almost non existant and kept to one pair of fleeting bare lady breasts as a woman flees down a hotel hallway. However, ladies get Doc Brown in his banana hammock along with some other guy and plenty of illustrations of cocks in various stages of erectness during sex education class. Which apparently lasted all year back in 80’s high school. Apparently you could graduate with a degree in dick studies.

Despite it’s shortcomings, flat jokes, lack of sex and/or nudity and failed attempts at conjuring up any honest human emotions, I recommend checking out Joy of Sex. It’s a terrible film. It’s bad but not any worse than the other thousands of teen sex comedies they hurled into theaters and video stores during the 80’s.

Does Leslie finally get some beef in her fajita? To be honest, I have no idea. The end credits start rolling before we ever get to see any action. Who the fuck made this movie?

So now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go practice lighting my farts so I may impress the ladies.

Stay Trashy.

-The Primal Root

 

29
Oct
09

The Primal Root’s Halloween Special Part 2 – Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers

Halloween 05

Hey Gang!

Well, the big day is almost here and just in time for Halloween we have our second Halloween Special Rotten Review!

In this installment we are taking a look at a pretty notoriously bad piece of Halloween Trash Cinema. I’s the fifth film in the beleaguer Halloween franchise. That’s right, we’re taking a look at Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers.

Prepare yourself for obnoxious overacting middle aged teenyboppers, insane child therapists, shacks that time forgot, grizzled pirates, the bogeyman floating the Illinois rapids, young children getting run over, adults abandoning troubled children to PAR-TAY, the most painful condom in history, sex with pants on, cowboys from hell, and slightly homo-erotic doctor/patient death scene.

John Carpenter redefined not only horror, but the culture of Halloween in America back in 1978 with the release of Halloween. And man, they’ve been trying to destroy what he created ever since. With the ill conceived 5th entry Switzerland born filmmaker Dominique Othenin-Girard managed to kill off the franchise once again for about 5 years.

Join The Primal Root as he explores one of the worst sequels to any franchise ever made and get into the Halloween spirit! Trust me, we manage to turn this nastiest of tricks into quite a treat.

Stay Trashy!

– Root

<p><a href=”http://vimeo.com/85776056″>(NSFW) Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989) The Primal Root’s Rotten Reviews Episode 7</a> from <a href=”http://vimeo.com/user24396091″>Kevin Cole</a> on <a href=”https://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a&gt;.</p>




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