Posts Tagged ‘films

14
Apr
15

Why Don’t You Play in Hell? (2013) Blood Sacrifice for The Movie God

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a Primal Root written review

It takes a certain breed to be a cinema buff.  I became a believer in the beauty, the appeal and the power of the movies in a near religious manner. Friday nights as a child were spent at the local movie theater (Oak Lakes 6, Miracle 5 or Capital Cinema here in Tallahssee FL, Rest in Peace, my friends) or at one of multiple video rental stores. I learned more about morality, courage, compassion, love and humanity from what I watched on the silver screen and through my VCR than I ever did by going to church and all I’ve ever wanted to do with my life is make that one perfect film I have in my head. My masterpiece. My chance to project a story upon that screen and make people laugh, scream, cry and think. In this sense I completely understand where someone like the character of Director Hirata (Hiroki Hasegawa) is coming from in the 2013 Japanese gangster, action, comedy, gore epic Why Don’t You Play in Hell?

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Teenage Director Hirata, along with his closest filmmaking comrades known as The Fuck Bombers,  discover a young Sasaki taking part in a back alley brawl. Hirata instantly dubs Sasaki “The New Bruce Lee,” and gives him Lee’s iconic yellow and black track suit and a pair of nunchaku. The group of dreamers spend their formative years at the local community center watching movies and the rest of their free time shooting backyard movies and incidents they come across on the street.

Meanwhile, young Michiko is the singing and dancing star of a toothpaste commercial and has become an overnight sensation. That is, until her Mother, the wife of Michiko’s Yakuai gang leader Father Taizo, is sent to jail after brutally slaughtering a half dozen enemies who invaded her home while she was slicing up carrots.  Michiko’s Mama is thrown in jail for ten years and the powers that be have Michiko’s ridiculously popular toothpaste ad removed from the air. I’m trying to refrain from spoilers as much as possible here, but Michiko comes home to the aftermath of her Mother’s bloody encounter, ends up lsipping sliding through some blood and comes face to face with the man who was sent to kill her family. It’s both incredibly cute, funny, graphic and sets the rest of the film’s story line in motion. A series of mind boggling coincidence, or is it fate (?), that leads to one of the greatest gangster epics ever filmed.

See, Taizo has sworn to Michiko’s Mother that Michiko is starring in an incredible action film, one that will make her proud of her daughter. But when Taizo realizes it’s all fake, that there is no heart behind the camera, no passion and no vision, he enlists the assistance of the now grown up, but still insanely passionate Hirata and The Fuck Bombers to film the epic battle to the death between these two rival gangs with the young and vicious Michiko as the film’s star. See, The Fuck Bombers never realized their dream of making the ultimate Yakuza action film. They made it as far as a mock trailer for the film they lways dreamed of making, but the dream has gone unfulfilled and the group is beginning to fall apart because of it. But this opportunity to film what promises to be the bloodiest gang battles in history. They have prayed to “The Film Gods” their entire lives, and it now seems that their prayers are answered. Director Hirata and his team tackle the project with a manic kind of glee as they rush about the battle with their eyes glued to their camera as blood, limbs, and heads fly the through the air and splash upon their smiling faces.

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I can honestly say it’s the most heartwarming and joyful bloodbaths I’ve ever witnessed in a movie. Everyone is willing to die for this project. Both gang bosses, their henchmen, Michiko, The Fuck Bombers, just to make this piece of cinema as true and spectacular as they feel it should be. And everything is amazing, that is until the fucking police show up (MPAA Ratings Board/Censorship?) and fuck it all up.

Why Don’t You Play in Hell is ludicrous, completely batshit crazy, brutally, cartoonishly violent and a jubilant celebration for the art of filmmaking. Filmmaker Sion Sono has captured perfectly the exhilaration and exasperation of going after any creative endeavor. There is love here for those who dare to dream and are waiting patiently for their moment to come. for their chance to speak through the cinematic medium. It’s impossible to not feel the excitement as hardened Yakuza gangsters become passionate and exacting about sound recording, as Hirata runs through thick puddles of blood, demanding reshoots as the people he’s making these requests to are actually being sliced to ribbons and as the cameramen redefine the art of “Shooting a Movie.”

There’s plenty of carnage candy in this blood encrusted cinematic odyssey, but there is an unmistakable depth of heart present throughout the proceedings. We genuinely care about life long friend, The Fuck Bombers, and their ambitions of making their movie dreams come true.  We find ourselves fully believing that Michiko’s toothpaste jingle could beguile generations of TV watchers including the rival gang’s leader who has been infatuated with her ever since.  It’s the fact that Why Don’t You Play in Hell and it’s wet, nasty, over the top action is grounded in believable, likeable, three dimensional characters that makes the ride of watching it so goddamn exhilirating. You’ll be cheering all the way to the final frame and even shocked to the point of tears by the fate of many of these characters. At least they all died battling for their art, their honor and their dreams. And this mixture of naive optimism and midnight movie bedlam leaves the viewer not only endeared to such shenanigans, but leaves you thirsty for more.

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For fans of not only Trash Cinema but the art of cinema itself,  Why Don’t You Play In Hell? is a flick you MUST SEE ON THE BIG SCREEN. It will knock you flat on your ass, hose you down with blood, then french kiss you with a mouth full of glass, and when it’s all over, you’ll wipe away the blood and beg to go through it again.  Trust me, it’s THAT fucking good.

I award Why Don’t You Play In Hell? FIVE out of FIVE Dumpster Nuggets.

Stay Trashy!

-Root

09
Nov
13

Blip.TV Cancels and Deletes The Primal Root’s Rotten Reviews

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a Primal Root Dirty Thought

Gang, I am saddened to say that blip.tv has cancelled our original review show “The Primal Root’s Rotten Reviews” and deleted every single episode I ever uploaded to their site since I began creating this venture back in 2009.  From what I gather from the notifications I have been sent,  blip.tv is under new ownership and are deleting shows and accounts that violate their new terms of use and are of “low quality.” This means us. The Trash Cinema Collective’s original video series “The Primal Root’s  Rotten Reviews” no longer have a home or a hosting site.  This means that the links on our page to these videos are no longer active or watchable.  Blip.tv was once an open forum for those with original ideas and content that other hosting site would be quick to take down or outright deny the exhibition of.  It’s a shame, and I cannot deny how disappointed I am that they have chosen this path.

Hopefully this is only momentary as we scour the internet looking for a site that has balls enough to host our videos. If you have any suggestions we would greatly appreciate hearing them.  I still have every rotten Review I’ve ever made on my hard drive and will upload them to a new site as soon as one is located. I cannot thank you enough for your support over the four years, Hell, almost FIVE years now,  since we began The Trash Cinema Collective. We will continue business a usual and the latest, enormously ambitious episode of “The Primal Root’s Rotten Review”  is still in the works and will hopefully see the light of day very soon.

Please be patient with us and send your suggestions our way. Thank you again for staying by our side.

Stay Trashy!

-Root

Jason Die

13
Jan
13

Guess the Garbage Volume 4: The Final Chapter (NSFW)

   Hey Gang! It’s your pal The Primal Root here with a brand new round of Guess the Garbage! The game where I gather a few random screen caps, spatter them here across The Trash Cinema Collective blog and let you take educated and/or wild stabs in the dark as to what Trash Cinema films I tore them from all in the hopes of no reward whatsoever other than having your name plastered below the image you correctly guessed and bragging rights that are sure to get you laid when you tell that special someone how incredibly fucking awesome you are! Longest run on sentence I’ve ever typed? Doubtful. Anyhoo, without any further a due, here’s your garbage! Just post your guesses in the comment section of this post an whoever answers correctly first gets all the glory.  Good luck, and  Stay Trashy! -Root

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1. “Amityville II: The Possession” Guessed by Jason

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3. Caligula guessed by Tara!

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4. “Foxy Brown” guessed by Mark D.

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10
Sep
12

Guess the Garbage Vol. 3: IN 3-D! (NSFW)

        Hey Gang! It’s your pal The Primal Root here with a brand new round of Guess the Garbage! The game where I gather a few random screen caps, spatter them here across The Trash Cinema Collective site and let you take educated and/or wild stabs in the dark as to what Trash Cinema films I tore them from all in the hopes of no reward whatsoever other than having your name plastered below the image you correctly guessed and bragging rights that are sure to get you laid when you tell that special someone how incredibly fucking awesome you are! Longest run on sentence I’ve ever typed? Doubtful. Anyhoo, without and further a due, here’s your garbage! Just post your guesses in the comment section of this post an whoever answers first gets all the glory.  Good luck, and may Cthulhu bless! -Root

Number One: Tobe Hooper’s ‘Eaten Alive’ guess by Jim Stramel

Number Two

Number Three: Fright Night Part 2 Guessed by Steven

Number Four: Beneath the Valley of the Ultra Vixens Guessed by Scott Porter

Number Five

06
Mar
12

Guess the Garbage! Vol. One (NSFW)

Hey Gang,felt like starting up a new tradition here at the Trash cinema Collective. A kind of guessing game where we will post screen caps from some of our favorite Trash Cinema Classics and see who can recognize them. Go ahead and leave your best guesses in the comment section! whoever guesses correctly first gets the glory! Some of these re pretty dang obscure so GOOD LUCK! Alright, boys and girls, have at it! 

Stay Trashy!

-Root

1.

"Shanty Tramp" identified by Jim Stramel

2.

"Frankenhooker" identified by Jon Houghton

3.

4.

Cheeky! directed by Tinto Brass. Identified by Nate L.

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14
May
11

A Cult Influence: a short documentary by Daniel Krone

Primal Root’s  Dirty Thoughts

Hey Gang,

Came across this nifty short subject documentary about what exactly makes a film into a cult flick. A Cult Influence also delves a little bit into the realm of the remaining Mom & Pop video stores that are beginning to reemerge now that Blockbuster has shut it’s doors for good.

Enjoy! And be sure to let us know if you agree with these definitions of a cult film and share some of your favorite cult flicks with us!

Stay Trashy!

-The Primal Root

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02
Feb
09

Ninja Cheerleaders: A Cyber Slasher Review

Ninja Cheerleaders – the blood, the beauty, and the botox
By Ryan D. Libbert AKA The Cyber Slasher

Well now as if the horror genre hasn’t gotten its fare share recently of campy movies featuring busty and bubbly sexbags stumbling through a plot, (I’m referring mainly to the recent trash joints as Zombie Strippers and Strippers vs. Zombies) The Asian Kung-Fu class got their full of sexploitation with this year’s neon bright epic titled Ninja Cheerleaders.

Written and Directed by David Presley, who gained the majority of his perverted visions in either the Army or Prison. This debacle tells the story of three of the most talented and dedicated gals this side of a burlesque house.

Courtney, Monica and April are the every-woman of men’s testosterone driven daydreams. They’re 18, beautiful, book smart, cheerleaders, martial artists, and strippers to boot (swimsuit models too from what I can gather off of poorly placed cinema montages). Fitting into their busy schedule of avoiding the sex-crazed perverts at the local junior college, vying for the chance to attend an Ivy League school, and hanging from a pole by their thighs in front of drooling sailors, these vixens also use their talents under the cover of night in training and espionage towards earning the coveted title of ninja.

The story opens as the 3 BFFs in kimonos break into an Army installation to steal an ancient Japanese kitana blade. Once retrieved and safe in the dojo, their sensei, Hiroshi, anoints them all ninjas. Life unfortunately does not turn to normal (as if it was?) for Courtney, Monica, or April as Hiroshi is kidnapped by the mob which therefore spoils their plans to compete in the annual strip-off and thereby shatters their dreams of attending Brown University…..trust me, it’ll all make sense just before the story’s climax.

Taking on the many villains a pointless film-garb could throw at an audience, the lead vixens are able to save the day from evil mafia scumbags while also taking care of conflicts with perverted students, perverted cheerleader coaches, perverted sailors, perverted detectives, and of course perverted stepdads. All this plus sharing a scene of emotional tears …proving once and for all that fierce ninja warriors do have feelings.

Leading the group is April, played by Ginny Weirick, who is leader by default simply because she’s the only brunette in the trio. April is the tough one who is quick to lead the charge of fists and fury during any conflict. Her anger issues are only overshadowed by her love of dancing, Sun Tzu and cutting off testicles.

Courtney, credited as Trishelle Cannatella, plays second banana to April’s confident lead by assuming role as the mature one of the group. She never backs down from any challenge be it physical, philosophical, or fancy footwork. Her tasseled curls and pearly white smile disguises an attitude controlled only by ninja discipline.

Rounding out the threesome is the lovable Monica, portrayed by Maitland McConnell. Monica is the sweet and innocent one who laughs naively in the face of authority with an alluring smile and charisma. Monica’s charm adds to the group in the same sense that Raya added to Jem and the Holograms.

The big hitter in Ninja Cheerleaders comes via science fiction’s number one homosexual, George Takei; who assumes the mantle of Hiroshi, sensei as well as owner and head bartender of the Strip Palace. Takei graciously steps away from the helm of the Enterprise to portray something more stereotypical of his caliber, the ageing and comical martial artist. Hiroshi proves his mark in one of the more entertaining sword battles witnessed in a movie (courtesy mostly due to stop-motion photography vice stuntmen) as well as semi-charming banter such as “Kick higher! Rape is still rape with sore thigh!”

With such absurdities wrapped in an awesome reel of fun, one would be surprised to find that none of the three leading ladies bare any bush or nip during the entire film, nudity is actually down to a minimum which surprisingly raises an eyebrow by most critics and fans.

It’s not quite 3 Ninjas and it’s not quite Bring It On, but Ninja Cheerleaders still offers its own unique taste of garbage. Despite the enormous lack of violent gore and gratuitous sex, this film is still considered trash just due to the plot and characters alone. ninja-cheerleaders1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SE3vZQnAgQk




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