Archive for March, 2015


It Follows (2014) Sex, Ghosts and Walk-A-Thons


a Primal Root written review

Let me get this out of the way, I am stupendously happy, thrilled even, when an independent horror movie makes it big, is released wide and actually sells tickets. No matter how good or piss poor, that does not matter to me one single bit, I just want the powers that be to give interesting, strange, unique ideas a fucking chance to thrive. There is a market that exists for oddities. Movies that test boundaries, flesh out ideas never before explored, and whether I go away on the verge of tears over watching something so awe inspiringly great or I walk out with my eyes rolling out of my head over how boring the whole experience was, I want NEW! I want FRESH! I want to see what’s churning inside the melons of all us aging youngsters that came of age on a steady diet of video store horror movie rentals, long summer nights spent gorging or sweet young minds on 90’s MTV, HBO Real Sex, and the rise and proliferation of tabloid journalism!  Whether it’s people getting sewn together ass to mouth, 90 minutes of static video footage of young assholes sleeping while their door movies a centimeter, or some slasher in a shitty mask sets up horrifying home alone style traps and collects his victims, I don;t care. Just keep bringing them on. Because I would rather spend my money on a filmmaker who is trying to do something he or she believes in than some cash in fucking remake of someone else’s vision.

That being said, I saw It Follows directed by David Robert Mitchell this past weekend. I went in blind, actively avoiding trailers and reviews and only hearing buzz from friends and NPR. It payed off when i saw Babadook, one of the better horror offerings I’ve seen in a damn good while, so being the eager horror cinema fan that I am, I offered up my money and braced for impact and the lights dimmed and one of the best reviewed films of the year flickered to life on the screen.

Let me tell me give you the low down. You get fucked and you get cursed by an entity that relentlessly, methodically, slowly follows you, tracking you down no matter where you are so that it can kill you. Only the fucked or fuckers can see the titular “IT” of the title which follows you around. This thing can take on any form, can piss anywhere, and can be stopped by closing a door.  The only way to stop it from following you is to fuck someone else, and then they are cursed to be followed till they pass the Ghost-T-D to some other unlucky bastard willing to spread ’em open wide or poke for your nasty haunted ass.

Cool enough premise, it’s like The Ring but with genitals rather than VHS tapes. There are all kinds of way to go with this thing, my imagination was over run with thoughts of where a concept like this might lead, how the teens encountering such a nightmarish creature would react, I mean, the possibilities are endless. The first twenty minutes or so, leading up the the inciting incident, are actually pretty interesting. We learn about our central characters and our lead ing lady, blonde, budding sexual teenage girl and the masturbation fodder of every young boy in her neighborhood, Jay (Maika Monroe)  who is no stranger to getting laid, as we learn, and without giving everything the movie has in store away, ends up getting cursed with the sex monster early in the film.


Not quick to believe that anything supernatural is happening, Jay believes what happened to her was a bizarre rape scenario, and leaves it at that. Until “IT” begins hunting her down at school, in her kitchen, in her bedroom, wherever she is, this thing is there showing off it’s Hanes underwear, hairy ball sack or busted gob. The visages “IT” decides to show itself as often relates itself to ac lose personal relationship or some nastier trauma or horror. Sometimes it’s truly creepy, other times it;s awkwardly humorous.  All I can say is that I have my Halloween costume for 2015, all I need is a bag of corn starch, a ladder to climb onto my roof with and to stop trimming my Little Root region. If you see the movie, you’ll know what I mean.

It’s a great concept that drags on for far too long, plus, these teenagers are all life suckingly dull. Their lives are in peril and they act so bored, so laid back and uninterested, it’s hard for me to work up enough interest to care in their fates. In the film’s climactic battle at an indoor pool we are treated to what feels like ten minutes of kids passively sitting around, napping, looking like they’ve already had the life drained out of them through their pink teenage sexual organs. Maika Monroe, the actress portraying Jay, does a pretty good job freaking out and acting afraid while being attacked, but for the majority of the film it feels like every young actor on screen took a swing of Nyquil before the cameras rolled. Even when these kids lives hang in the balance, they do not have enough character to generate interest in their plight. And there’s about half a dozen of them. And it;s a movie about Fuck Ghosts for fuck’s sake!

There are some pretty nightmarish moments. The initial scene where Jay is confronted by her newly acquired pussygeist, a late night kitchen vision, and a young man confronting his Oedipal fate in his bedroom, but otherwise a lot of the later horror set pieces come off as slapstick comedy more than anything genuinely frightening. “It” starts flinging Goodwill donations at our wet, bikini clad heroine, horny weeny men get thrown through the air by invisible entities, it all just comes of as a little goofy as the movie goes from one ending to another stretching itself out to feature length. I dunno, none of it really had much of an impact on me.


I will commend the film’s lack of parental units. These kids are basically on their own. No one cares where they are, what they’re doing or with who, and I feel like there just might be something to be something to that. We see parents for split seconds as they sit at kitchen tables with their backs to the camera, or show up as naked spectral visions to scare the shit out of the youngins’, but there is remarkably little interaction between these kids and their parents. ALSO, I really liked how unglamorous the act of teenage sex was depicted. It looks downright boring, and always disappointing. At least if the actors are to be believed. Everyone always seems bored out of their minds both during and after the act. As if you give lobotomies with a stiff cock and wet hatchet wound. Teenage sex was never that dull where I came from, but then again, it wasn’t The Red Shoe Diaries either…I just like that the filmmakers made it look really uneventful and unfulfilling. And, shit, you might just get a skeet-skeet-skeet GHOOOST from that three minutes in Heaven.

Long story short, (too late) I completely respect It Follows for being utterly unique and trying out something totally different. Please, keep making movies this unusual and you’ll see me at the movie theater far more often. Still, I found It Follows to be completely unengaging and and forgettable. It starts off with an enormous amount of promise, but falls apart quickly after the film shows all it;s cards and never regains it’s hold on it’s own story. I’m happy for the praise it’s been getting and the notoriety it has garnered. I can only hope more folks will be willing to take chance on under the radar trash cinema.

Forgettable, but a damn good try. It sure did look really pretty.

ONE AND A HALF out of FIVE Dumpster Nuggets

Stay Trashy!

-The Primal Root


(NSFW) Unholy Rollers (1972) Roller Derby Apocalypse


a Primal Root written review

One of the things I admire most about the low budget exploitation cinema of the 60’s and 70’s is that, over time, they emerge as time capsules. Better still, is these films catalog every strange trend, no matter how small a flash in the pan, or culturally insignificant. Dirt bikes, side hacking, break dancing, disco roller boogies, did these trends really last long enough to warrant a whole film based around them? Well, back in the day, if it was happening at all, it was good enough for Corman and crew to swoop down and transform it into Trash Cinema Gold.

Enter, Unholy Rollers, a film that seems to have been a cash-in on not only the recent roller derby explosion across our great land, but a cash in on the far more expensive Raquel Welch vehicle, Kansas City Bombers (1972). Unholy Rollers stars the gorgeous and feisty Playmate of the Year 1970, Ms. Claudia Jennings (Fast Company, Gator Bait)  as Karen Walker, a young woman who is sick to death of having her tits squeezed by her boss at the cat food processing plant. After one titty twister too many, Karen sabotages the assembly line, smears cat foot in her bosses face, barges in on her roommates while they’re fucking and declares she’s going into professional roller derby to earn the big bucks!


Karen shows up at an open audition to join The L.A. Avengers and turns out to be one Hell of a skater, not only that, but team owner Mr. Stern observes early on that this chick knows a lot about showmanship. But Derby is a team sport, and Karen sure as shit is no team player. She’s spontaneous, refuses to play by the rules and manages to not only piss off the rival teams, but her fellow teammates. From the get-go, Karen and The Avengers star skater Mickey Martinez (Betty Anne Rees, from Deathmaster) butt heads. Mickey’s a fiery red headed lesbian, and when Karen rebukes Mickey’s advances, Karen ends up paying for it…with her outfit. Yeah, one night during a victory gathering at a local watering hole, Mickey and a few other Avengers end up throwing Karen onto a pool table and stripping her totally nekkid sans a pair of tiny panties. I mean, it’s about a half an hour into a movie featuring Playboy Playmate of the Year and we haven’t seen her nekkid yet, so this was fated. But this does not shake Karen, she flaunts her goods in front of the onlookers and delivers one of my favorite speeches of the movie…

“I’ve heard of ugly dykes in my life, but I never figured one would be so ugly she’d have to go through all this trouble just to get a chick to strip for her. How about you, bitch? You ever been this close to a decent looking body before? Take a good look, all of you! Because that’s ALL YOU’RE GOING TO GET IS A LOOK! But I will remember this, lover. And whenever I want a pair of big, strong arms around me…I’LL GO FIND ME A MAN!”


In a perfect world, this would be have been Claudia Jenning’s Oscar clip. Naked, unashamed, vulgar, and brutal as Hell. Karen, we quickly come to realize, is not a very likable human being. She’s reckless and wild, which is appealing enough, but there are moments when what she’s doing isn;t exactly intelligent and are risking the lives of those around her. Like when she rides on the back of a man she’s fixing to bone’s motorcycle. She finds a revolver and begins firing indiscriminately into the busy streets of Los Angeles. Even putting the barrel of the gun to the temple of her fuck buddy. They end up at the roller rink where she ends up elbowing the man repeatedly, shoving her pointy knee into his tender testicular region and generally laying waste to the goofball all over the inclined roller derby track. I know it’s meant for laughs, but it’s like the SAW film of bad first dates. Yeah, is a slice of that pie worth all this shit? Well, it is Claudia Jennings, so probably.

Yes, the poor guy does end up tapping it and yes they do keep their skates on.

The action on the track is as staged and scripted as any pro wrestling match, but Karen doesn’t give a shit. She’s playing it hard and impromptu and the audience fucking eats it up and falls in love with Karen’s violent form of derby. During one match Mickey and Karen end up beating the shit out of one another. It’s the old star of the show versus the up and comer, and man is it a show. Mickey Martinez, however, has underestimated her opponent nd when fists, blood and teeth stop flying it’s Karen who is now Queen of the L.A. Avengers.


Before long Karen is the star of The Avengers and is the highest paid player. It;s the good life for Karen as she stars in TV commercials, eats organic burgers, and plays putt putt golf. She even gets a tattoo of The Avengers logo above her elbow, the winged roller skate. But, as we all know, with power comes corruption. And with absolute power comes absolute corruption. Karen’s bad attitude grows along with her fame. Soon her bad temper swells to the verge of  megalomania, and in the process her life begins falling apart slowly. Her long time roommates and best friends Donna and Greg end up moving out to move to the Pacific North West to pursue their dream of opening a joint venture motorcycle mechanic shop and strip club. But Karens knows as well as the audience that Donna and Greg are leaving because Karen is no longer a part of their lives. She’s become another entity all together as she’s risen to stardom and both Donna and Greg feel as if they no longer know Karen. Now only this, but The Avengers resent Karen for bashing Mickey up so bad she’s know laid up at the hospital. The team voices their rage by jumping Karen in the parking lot and smashing the shit out of Karen’s beautifully customized Dodge Charger.  Even Mr. Stern has had enough of Karen and hires an up and coming young black derby superstar by the name of Beverly Brayton (Charlene Jones from Avenging Angel) to strike fear into Karen the way Karen once did to Mickey. Karen realizes her own unbridled lust for fame and power have lead her down this road of self destruction. But there’s enough of Karen;s old rebellious spirit left for her to reach deep down with a final righteous FUCK YOU to not just The L.A. Avengers and roller derby, but to the entire world. Karen goes out in a Hellish blaze of glory destined to become the stuff of roller derby legend.

I can’t properly put into words just how much down and dirty fun Unholy Rollers is. It holds nothing back, has a goofy sense of humor, a taste for unbridled mayhem on a massive scale, and luxuriates in it’s own bumbling execution. It’s just as genuinely funny as it is unintentionally so, which makes it a riot to check out. Leave it to Corman and the team at American International Pictures to push all the right buttons in this low rent, low brow, beautiful piece of cinematic trash. It plays like Showgirls on an inclined roller skating rink. Unholy Rollers is the real deal and a whole lot more.

Here’s to you, Claudia Jennings. You are missed. Thank you for always keeping it Trashy.

FOUR out of FIVE Dumpster Nuggets

Stay Trashy!



Ramonah; March Devil Girl of the Month 2015

Hey Gang, The Primal Root here presenting you with a Trashy St. Paddy’s Day treat from long time friend and collaborator here at The Trash Cinema Collective, Devil Girl of the Month, Ramonah. Her Boondock Saints inspired spread delivers a four leaf clover of badass along with a big pot of sexy at the end of your Trashy Rainbow! Check out the gorgeous and lethal Ramonah’s set and be sure to let her know what you think! Stay Trashy! -Root

Perry G: Welcome back, what have you been up to since last we spoke. How the hell are ya?
Ramonah: Living life, having fun. Making stuff, breaking stuff. I got this adorable pink-toe tarantula. I am feeling pretty fantastic.

PG: Tell us, what inspired this latest set?
Ramonah: The Boondock Saints films have always been close to my heart, and Connor and Murphy are sexy badasses. I thought it would be fun to give the image of the Saints a feminine twist. Turns out, that’s pretty sexy, too.

PG: How will you celebrate this St. Patties Day?
Ramonah: The same way I always celebrate it: with The Boondock Saints and booze! I’m going to throw those two films on back-to-back and drink some gin-based deliciousness. What’s that? Tuesday? What are you— No, it’s St. Patrick’s Day. What do you mean, “Tuesday”? Pfft.

PG:  What tunes should we listen to while viewing this set?
Ramonah: “Jingle Bells”. Wait, no! “The Saints are Coming.” Duh. 😉


Photography by Perry Gilbert










Dumpster Diving