Dear Mistress Barbie: Advice for the Damned

Mistress Barbie

Written by Amanda Dyar

Dear Mistress Barbie: My name is Chucky and I want to play, but no one seems to want to play with me. I thought people liked to play knife fights from what I see on tv, but most just scream and run away. The other dolls just call me names, and no one wants to play any voodoo games. I had a falling out with my best friend, Andy. I have been trying really hard to reconnect with him, but he just doesn’t understand. I never meant to hurt anyone, I just wanted to kill them.

I don’t know what to do. I sure am lonely. Maybe I am coming on too strong? — GOOD GUY IN CHICAGO, ILLINOIS.

DEAR GOOD GUY: Maybe you need to tone down your robust behavior. You must remember that what you see on television isn’t always appropriate behavior for little dolls like yourself. You can not just voodoo yourself into people’s lives. Take this time to reflect on your behavior, and maybe Andy will realize the friendship he has lost. Ask the other dolls if they want to play knife fight and if not see what games they want to play. Maybe you could even try some jigsaw puzzles. Your current friends seem to be intimidated by your aggressiveness and unique qualities. It may be time to consider finding new friends and disposing of the old. Don’t let anyone be your puppet master!

1 Response to “Dear Mistress Barbie: Advice for the Damned”

  1. December 2, 2010 at 11:42 am

    I love this piece!!! I used to write a column called, Sister Eddie Sings. It was a self-help write-in thing where an aging ex-Italian Gangster-turned-Nun gives advice. This reminds me of that. I watched all the Chucky movies when they came out and even have the figurines from The Bride of Chucky. So, this cute piece hits home!!!

    And might I add…that the pic of you, Mistress Barbie, is Smokin’ Hot!!!!


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