Night of the Living Dorks: Sprechen Sie fun!
Review by Ryan D. Libbert

At last, the question most males have pondered has been answered! “What do I do if my cock one day falls off?” The answer of course is so logical…staple it back on. This solution was demonstrated along with other flesh falling wonders in the 2004 trash joint Night of the Living Dorks or Die Nacht der lebenden Loser as it is more well known in its native Germany.

This film comes to us from our sauerkraut brethren across the Atlantic with poorly overdubbed English voices in the wake of England’s newly spawned genre dubbed “zombie-comedy,” which was kick started by Shaun of the Dead earlier the same year. Just like other ocean-hopping trash films, Night of the Living Dorks sports a no-name director conducts no-name actors through a typical but still oh-so-fun plot that obviously throws Revenge of the Nerds into Romeroland.

Philip and his buddies Wurst and Konrad (the title-born dorks) are your typical tri-lamb shoo-ins who couldn’t score cool points at their native High School if they were handed out in advanced trigonometry class. Their awkwardness has painted their targets so bright in the crosshairs of their fellow students that regular beatings and humiliating moments plaque their day from homeroom to 7th period science.

Philip, portrayed by Tino Mewes, is quickly labeled the leader of the trio who is guided by his morning erections and lust for Ms. Popular girl in school Uschi (Nadine Germann). Wurst, played by Manuel Cortez, is the offshoot party-nerd of the group who drives the stereotyped VW van and provides his comrades with a heavy stash of liquor and marijuana. Konrad (Thomas Schmieder) completes the circle as the uber-nerd (no pun intended) who keeps a detailed journal of every beating he ever took in a message bag full of replacement glasses. Adding spice to the sauerkraut cast is Rebecca (Collien Fernandes), Philip’s next door neighbor and childhood sweetheart who fell out of Phil’s favor when she fell into the creepy goth clique.

The plot is sparked by Philip’s desperation to win the heart of his desires (uber-slut Uschi) which drives his, Wurst’s, and Konrad’s path to a midnight resurrection ceremony which ends in the boys soaked in ebay-purchased Haitian ashes, followed by a deadly crash in Wurst’s van. The trio awaken in a hospital morgue wearing nothing but smocks and toe tags and worried faces.

From there they quickly gather that they have now become animated corpses and immediately follow-up this realization with fulfilling their desires of sex, revenge and substance abuse. The fun is quickly put to a halt when the boys are overcome by an unquenchable desire for human flesh, which oddly targeted by the boys in the asses of their victims. Note: when your science teacher asks “Did you just bite her ass?” telling the truth is only acceptable if you are undead.

Before all their sanity is lost, the boys spend the day at school (and at a party later that night) indulging in their wants which lead to many coarse scenarios such as defeating the school rugby team at their own game, chowing down on the corpse of the brutally gay and nazi-ish gym coach, consuming more liquor and drugs than the Rolling Stones on tour, and sharing an intimate moment in a hot tub with the older and seductive English teacher while going down on her.

With the last vestiges of their sanity, the boys plead with Rebecca to use her knowledge of mystic spells to help cure them (finding virgin blood in any town would be a difficult task) before it is too late, which eventually leads to a race against time and destruction as Philip’s parents are on their way home and Konrad’s bloodlust has turned the local hospital blood bank into a wasteland.

The story is backed on a soundtrack that from what I can tell could only be either Good Charlotte or Sum 41 singing German lyrics over their poorly orchestrated pop. One more annoyance is the extremely bad dialogue (more exclusively ear-stinging than average teen flicks) which viewers are still perplexed if it is from poor German writing or poor English translating.
Fitting the classic and favorable Trash Cinema formula of zombies, drugs and campiness; Night of the Living Dorks gains a favorable thumbs up (rigor mortis or no) from the masses.