Archive for February, 2009


Marta Kober, WE MISS YOU!

Have You Seen This Woman?

Marta Kober plays the sexy young counselor in training, Sandra, in Friday the 13th Part

She’s the young lady who gets impaled along with her boyfriend, Jeff, while they are making the sign of the doublebacked mud weasel in the the bed on the second floor of the camp house.

Marta Kober is lovely and is a bit on an enigma to me. I’ve never seen her in anything else, she didn’t participate in the making of Crystal Lake Memories or in the documentary, His Name Was Jason. Her IMDB biography consists of this one sentence:

In 1993, under the name Marta Scorsese, performed in the musical group “The Bomb.”

Where the heck is this chick? I’ve had the biggest crush on her since I first laid eyes on her in Friday the 13th Part 2. My infatuation was reignited this afternoon while I was watching my ration of trash cinema and I popped in School Spirit.

School Spirit is a campy Roger Corman comedy where this guy is about to have sex with this girl he really likes but can’t find his condom so he drives to the drug store, gets hit by an car on the way back, and spends the rest of the film as a ghost.

It’s trash cinema at it’s cheesiest. He uses his powers to peep on girls and make fools out of the preppy guys. It all seem rather predictable until our lead character goes over to the home of his flame. And who is lounging by the pool in her bikini? I had to rub my eyes and do a double take. I couldn’t believe it.

MARTA KOBER! There she is! Now, in the only other movie I’ve ever seen her in! And she has pretty substantial role here. Unfortunately, just like in Friday the 13th Part 2, Marta keeps her sweater puppies bundled up. But MAN, does she like to flaunt them.

She’s as cute and sexy as ever in this flick with a lot more screen time than in Friday 2. Her voice is still a little breathy, she plays a bit of a bone head but she spends about 1/3 of her screen time dancing her little heart out. It’s Marta in all her glory. Where has she been? I want to know what she’s been up to and how she feels about her legacy with the Friday the 13th series. Hell, her character was so memorable they brought her brother into the fold, Rob in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, to avenge her death! She had one of the coolest deaths in the series and filled her role out like none other with all natural awesome!

There’s a terrible rumor going around the web that Marta was arrested for squatting in an apartment and stealing her neighbor’s mail.

Another source said that the gang who put together His Name Was Jason tried to contact Marta but could only reach her family. They said she’d gone missing and they have no idea where she is.

We miss you, Marta! Drop us a line sometime and let us know how you’re doing and what you’re up to! Please, dispel these rumors! We all hope you’re doing well.


(The Primal Root)


The Primal Root’s Rotten Review: Top 13 Kills of Friday the 13th (Part 2)

Hey Gang,

Enjoy the gore soaked second half of The Primal Root’s Top 13 Kills of Friday the 13th Countdown. In the first installment we went over my picks for top 13-7 and in this episode we will discuss my top 6. Just click on the Friday the 13th poster below.

Enjoy and Stay Trashy!


Ninja Cheerleaders: A Cyber Slasher Review

Ninja Cheerleaders – the blood, the beauty, and the botox
By Ryan D. Libbert AKA The Cyber Slasher

Well now as if the horror genre hasn’t gotten its fare share recently of campy movies featuring busty and bubbly sexbags stumbling through a plot, (I’m referring mainly to the recent trash joints as Zombie Strippers and Strippers vs. Zombies) The Asian Kung-Fu class got their full of sexploitation with this year’s neon bright epic titled Ninja Cheerleaders.

Written and Directed by David Presley, who gained the majority of his perverted visions in either the Army or Prison. This debacle tells the story of three of the most talented and dedicated gals this side of a burlesque house.

Courtney, Monica and April are the every-woman of men’s testosterone driven daydreams. They’re 18, beautiful, book smart, cheerleaders, martial artists, and strippers to boot (swimsuit models too from what I can gather off of poorly placed cinema montages). Fitting into their busy schedule of avoiding the sex-crazed perverts at the local junior college, vying for the chance to attend an Ivy League school, and hanging from a pole by their thighs in front of drooling sailors, these vixens also use their talents under the cover of night in training and espionage towards earning the coveted title of ninja.

The story opens as the 3 BFFs in kimonos break into an Army installation to steal an ancient Japanese kitana blade. Once retrieved and safe in the dojo, their sensei, Hiroshi, anoints them all ninjas. Life unfortunately does not turn to normal (as if it was?) for Courtney, Monica, or April as Hiroshi is kidnapped by the mob which therefore spoils their plans to compete in the annual strip-off and thereby shatters their dreams of attending Brown University… me, it’ll all make sense just before the story’s climax.

Taking on the many villains a pointless film-garb could throw at an audience, the lead vixens are able to save the day from evil mafia scumbags while also taking care of conflicts with perverted students, perverted cheerleader coaches, perverted sailors, perverted detectives, and of course perverted stepdads. All this plus sharing a scene of emotional tears …proving once and for all that fierce ninja warriors do have feelings.

Leading the group is April, played by Ginny Weirick, who is leader by default simply because she’s the only brunette in the trio. April is the tough one who is quick to lead the charge of fists and fury during any conflict. Her anger issues are only overshadowed by her love of dancing, Sun Tzu and cutting off testicles.

Courtney, credited as Trishelle Cannatella, plays second banana to April’s confident lead by assuming role as the mature one of the group. She never backs down from any challenge be it physical, philosophical, or fancy footwork. Her tasseled curls and pearly white smile disguises an attitude controlled only by ninja discipline.

Rounding out the threesome is the lovable Monica, portrayed by Maitland McConnell. Monica is the sweet and innocent one who laughs naively in the face of authority with an alluring smile and charisma. Monica’s charm adds to the group in the same sense that Raya added to Jem and the Holograms.

The big hitter in Ninja Cheerleaders comes via science fiction’s number one homosexual, George Takei; who assumes the mantle of Hiroshi, sensei as well as owner and head bartender of the Strip Palace. Takei graciously steps away from the helm of the Enterprise to portray something more stereotypical of his caliber, the ageing and comical martial artist. Hiroshi proves his mark in one of the more entertaining sword battles witnessed in a movie (courtesy mostly due to stop-motion photography vice stuntmen) as well as semi-charming banter such as “Kick higher! Rape is still rape with sore thigh!”

With such absurdities wrapped in an awesome reel of fun, one would be surprised to find that none of the three leading ladies bare any bush or nip during the entire film, nudity is actually down to a minimum which surprisingly raises an eyebrow by most critics and fans.

It’s not quite 3 Ninjas and it’s not quite Bring It On, but Ninja Cheerleaders still offers its own unique taste of garbage. Despite the enormous lack of violent gore and gratuitous sex, this film is still considered trash just due to the plot and characters alone. ninja-cheerleaders1

Dumpster Diving