Posts Tagged ‘rotten

31
Dec
11

Rotten Reviews Ep 23: Black christmas (The Remake)

Hey Gang, The Primal Root, here, wishing you and yours a Happy Holiday season! That is, if you can make it through the evil that is Glen Morgan’s Black Christmas remake… Hang tight with your buddy, Root, as he tries the wade through the numerous subplots, the dozen characters and the non stop flashbacks that explain away our main antagonist(s).

Watch as The Root tries to transform this hunk of coal into a diamond in this, our final Rotten Review of Year Three, here at The Trash Cinema Collective!

Happy Holidays and a Trashy New Year!

Your Pal,
-The Primal Root

Just Play the Link Below!

30
Oct
11

Halloween Rotten Review! Ep.22: Rocktober Blood (NSFW)

Hey Gang,

The Primal Root here, and man, I just can’t get into the Halloween spirit this year! It just feels as if I’ve seen every Halloween themed horror movie out there a million times! Just sitting here at Video 21 waiting to close down for the night, contemplating going Trick or Treating, when some last minute customers barge in and all of a sudden I find myself face to face with just piece of Trash Cinema I had been hoping for: Rocktober Blood.

Rocktober Blood is an inept, blood soaked,  hair metal epic! Featuring some of the worst acting I’ve ever witnessed, poor production values, terrible editing and some genuinely catchy cheesy 80′s metal tunes.  Plenty of murder, mayhem, plot twists, brain hemorrhaging reveals, 30 minute long bathing sequences and one incredible finale that takes place during the now LEGENDARY Rocktober Blood Concert of 1984.

So join me, your host The Primal Root, and get into the Halloween spirit as we check out one of the strangest, goofiest and trashiest films from the VHS era! Join me for a heaping helping of, Rocktober Blood!

And a VERY Special Thanks to Kevin Johnson of Celluloid Cesspool for not only introducing us to Rocktober Blood bot for sending us his personal copy which made this Rotten Review possible. Many thank, my friend!

Stay Trashy and have a Happy Halloween!

-Root

18
Oct
11

Athena and Noel, October’s Devil Girls of the Month (NSFW!)

        (NSFW) October is here and everyone is eagerly awaiting the approach of what is the undisputed favorite holiday around The Collective, Halloween! It is no different for The Devil Girls as two of our favorite ladies, Miss Athena Hollow and Noel Cypress, get caught up in a little trouble at the local haunted manor. Trapped behind steel bars, no means of escape, while the dank smell of decay and the the oppressive chill of encroaching evil are a constant reminder that their fates just might be sealed once and for all… What are two lovely Devil Girls to do? Find out the answer and feel your Halloween Spirit rise as you check out Miss Athena and Noel’s seductive new spread! Quite the sugary, trashy, treat to get this Halloween season rolling off on the perfect note.

Stay Trashy,

-Root

Photography by Kickapoo

www.missathenahollow.com

www.noelsnaughtynook.com

www.geekgirlsonline.com

26
Dec
10

Rotten Reviews Ep. 17: Christmas Evil

Happy Holidays, Gang!

The Primal Root, here, and delivering a very special Christmas package to my fellow collectors! That’s right, I’ve gotten your e-mail’s and facebook messages and I am reviewing one of your most highly requested movies, Christmas Evil! You’ve all been Trashy little boys and girls all year so you’ve earned this one!

Get ready for Santa Cunnilingus, Oedipal Complexes, Shitty Toys, Holiday Trickery, Church Step Brutality, Caroling, Smothering, Throat Slashing, Doll Snapping, Child Slapping, Child Peeping, Kid Slapping, Guilt Tripping, Silk Santa Jammies, Plenty of Slang for Oral Sex, and even a couple Dance Sequences!

This is Christmas Evil. One of the trashiest, strangest, most off kilter and scatter minded horror films I have ever witnessed. Enjoy with the ones you love!

Stay Trashy,

-The Primal Root

Click on the Poster Below to Watch!

01
Nov
10

Rotten Reviews presents Saw V

Hey Gang,

The Primal Root here. I just woke up and I have no idea where I am. Somebody kidnapped me while I was a t work and now I am stuck in this place. I have some kind of contraption fastened around my neck and tere’s a TV in front of me. I don’t want to jump to conclusions but I have a feeling this is one of those dang Jigsaw traps I’ve heard so much about. I am not sure what I did wrong or what lesson I am going to be forced to learn but it looks like I may have to watch something…something terrible…

Well, if that’s the case I shouldn’t have a problem. Some of my favorite movies are the strangest, sickest, most perverse films ever made! What in the world could Jigsaw possibly show me that would make me consider hurting myself…oh shit…

But is it really Jigsaw behind all this? I guess I’ll have to wait and see. I sense soemthing truly sinister at work here far worse than that megalomaniacal asshole. I guess I’ll have to see this sick game through to the very end and see what twists are in store. Because if I am stuck in a Saw film, there’s one thing I can be sure of…nothing is as it seems.

Stay Trashy,

-The Primal Root

Enjoy the latest Rotten Review buy clicking on the poster below!

28
Jul
10

The Primal Root’s Rotten Reviews presents Malibu Beach

Dina: Queen of Malibu Beach

Hey Gang,

Well, it’s the middle of summer and I wasn’t planning on even doing a Rotten Review this month on account of how beautiful it is outside and I wanted to put in some quality beach time. However, after my trip to the Gulf of Mexico got a little too sticky for my taste I decided maybe we should stay at home and enjoy the 1978 classic, Malibu Beach.

This flick is an easy to swallow summer time treat with not plot to get in the way of  the story. Tons of lovely ladies in bikinis, boys up to no good, and perverted clothes snatching dogs. It all take place on Malibu Beach! A place where EVERYTHING can happen.

Hope you’re having a great summer!

Stay Trashy,

-The Primal Root

Just Click on the Malibu Beach Poster Below to Watch the Latest Rotten Review!

27
Jun
10

The Primal Root’s Rotten Reviews presents Neon Maniacs

a Primal Root Rotten Review

Hey Gang,

Your old pal The Primal Root here, bringing you the bizarre best of the strange, forgotten and dismissed here on the Rotten Reviews. And boy, this month do I have one Hell of a movie to show you.

We’re taking a look at 1986′s multiple killer slasher oddity, Neon Maniacs, a film so epic and expansive they couldn’t even be bothered to explain anything. It features 12 creatures dressed like Village People rejects who trot around down town San Francisco after dark to kill people…cause apparently that’s all they do.

Neon Maniacs features a great cast of obscure slasher film actors and actresses that only those truly devoted to Trash Cinema (aka: geeks-like myself) would get excited over. Two of which are from the Friday the 13th series! SCORE!

And make sure to stick around for the old Neon Maniacs Safety Training video left over from the 50′s I managed to track down. It sheds some light on how to deal with these blood sucking freaks. Hey, you can never be too careful.

So enjoy this latest Rotten Review with someone you love. Make sure to keep a beverage handy as well.

Stay Trashy!
-The Primal Root

Just Click on the Poster Below to Watch!

When in Tallahassee Florida make sure to visit Bird’s Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack! Salty Love on the Half Shell, the friendliest staff in town, and always a guaranteed good time. :D

26
May
10

TPR’s Rotten Reviews presents Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare

Hey Gang,

Just when I thought I was out, Freddy pulled me right back in to sit through and review the goofiest and least frightening film in his entire repertoire. It also happens to be the poor guys original swan song. That’s right, we’re taking a look at 1991′s laugh a minute Freddy send off, Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare.

Get ready for easily solved mysteries! Billy Zane’s sister! No male ass (Check my Nightmare 2 review if you don’t get it)! Post toastie crushing! Quippy one liners that undercut the horror in every scene! Breckin Meyer! Murdering handicapped minorities! A 976-EVIL reference! Adorable Dream Demons! Freddy once again manipulating reality and playing outside the Nightmare on Elm Street rule book! Evil parents! Lame B-List celebrity cameos! Iron Butterfly! Breckin Meyer: The Video Game! Gerbil crushing! Alice Cooper the foster father! Fucking Rainbows! That’s My Freddy! and SO MUCH MORE!

Check out this, the second half of our trip down Elm Street’s side street, Memory Lane.

Do you really think…Freddy’s Dead?

Stay Trashy!
-The Primal Root

Just Click on the poster below to watch our latest Rotten Review!

29
Apr
10

Primal Root’s Rotten Reviews presents: A Nightmare on Elm Street part 2: Freddy’s Revenge

Freddy makes the universal sign for cunnilingus.

Hey Gang,

I’ve been recently experiencing terrible nightmares every night for the past couple of weeks. They all involve dream demon Freddy Krueger attacking me in incredibly vulnerable situations. Usually with me picking something up and not having pants on.

Perhaps there are some clues to be found in Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy’s Revenge! The notoriously homo erotic follow up to Wes Craven’s original masterpiece. We will discuss both the underlying sexual meaning and imagery in the film as well as mercilessly riffing on it. Get ready for exploding birds, extreme gym shower towel snapping, phallic anacondas, sweaty ball sack adjustments, seedy gay S&M joints, Bob Shaye in a leather tank top, a fuckable version of Meryl Streep, caramel filled killers, off road mayhem, Clu Gulager, human faced dogs, more gay subtext than you can shake a suggestively shaped stick at and al kinds of Freddy Krueger part fouls.

Check out The Primal Root’s Rotten Reviews presents A Nightmare on Elm Street part 2: Freddy’s Revenge and let me know what you think!

your pal,
-The Primal Root

Simply click on the poster below to view the latest video review!

06
Apr
10

Don’t Fall Asleep: A Nightmare on Elm Street Revisited

a review by The Primal Root

It’s easy to forget Wes Craven’s original 1984 masterpiece, A Nightmare on Elm Street. The horror audiences experienced when the lights first dimmed in theaters all those years ago and were introduced to a new boogieman. The ghost of child murderer. A man burned alive by one generation whose children’s lives, their futures, are now in danger due to their actions. Wes Craven created a classic horror film. One that holds up just as well today as it did in the 80′s. But more importantly, like Romero’s Night of the Living Dead or Hooper’s The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, A Nightmare on Elm Street is a product of it’s time encompasses the Reagan Era, post Vietnam/Cold War generation. The notion that those horrible deeds done by a generation before us will be payed for by the blood of those being born. We are inheriting new life as well as paying for the misdeeds of those fading away.

Yes, it’s easy to forget what A Nightmare on Elm street represents. In the wake of the film’s success came the assembly line of sequels incapable of holding a flickering candle to the original Nightmare. Freddy became a cartoon character rather than the boogieman and in the process diminished any form of fear the audience may have carried for the child killer. The series became less about character and more about spectacle. Less about scare and more about effects. And the genesis of A Nightmare on Elm Street, the whole purpose of the original, became more diluted and washed away…

Now, on the eve of the A Nightmare on Elm Street relaunch I feel is the perfect time to take a look back at one of cinema’s most influential and groundbreaking films. Wes Craven’s A Nightmare on Elm Street.

The Original Nightmare Kids : From left: Rod, Tina, Glen and Nancy

Our film begins with Tina, an attractive teenage girl, running through a dark and steamy labyrinth of pipes and metal. Running from something stalking her in the shadows. A horribly scarred and disfigured man in a red and green striped sweater and equipped with a glove with blades fastened to the tip of each finger. This is Freddy’s boiler room. A place representative of all the things our society tries to cover up and forget about.The subterranean. Freddy closes in for the kill as Tina screams in terror and jolts up in her bed…it was all a nightmare. But the four slices down the front of her nightgown are far from a fantasy. There’s something terribly wrong on Elm Street.

The very next morning as Tina and her friends Nancy, Glen and Rod head to school it is implied that they are all suffering from the same unsettling dreams. All the teens try to shrug it off until the night Tina is brutally, mercilessly butchered during a sleep over. The murder takes place before her boyfriend Rod’s eyes only he cannot see her attacker and is incapable of helping. And Tina’s bloody, mid-air death might be the best in the series. Her death scene is ferocious and disturbing and taken in from the perspective of the fully awake and helpless Rod the audience can clearly imagine how deeply mortifying this moment is.

This scene is a masterpiece in the annals of horror and sticks with the viewer long after it occurs. Unlike later Nightmare film which rely heavily on set pieces and elaborate creature effects, this sequences focuses instead on the slicing of young flesh and the spilling of warm blood. This focus on the organic, the human makes the phantasmal seem real as well as the consequences. And Craven stays true to this concept throughout A Nightmare on Elm Street and it proves to be one of the pictures greatest strengths.

Craven uses the mix of the organic and the phantasmal with an arsenal of trick shots to find unique and twisted ways to unsettle the audience, keeping them on edge. Like the diabolical murder of Glenn where a spinning room is employed and gallons of fake blood are pumped up through his mattress creating an enormous geyser of blood. As presented to the audience the bed is on the floor and the blood comes up out of the mattress with incredible force. The affect of this clever, simple idea is instant and unforgettable. It’s a shot that clearly expresses the rage and pure violence backing Krueger’s attack. He annihilates Glenn with such power that the guy comes squirting from his bed as if he was put in a giant blender set to puree.

Glen once Freddy's done with him.

But this nightmare violence would mean nothing without Craven’s intelligent and strong characterizations. One would do A Nightmare on Elm Street a great disservice if they didn’t bring up Heather Langenkamp’s portrayal of our young final girl, Nancy. A child of divorce who must cope with her alcoholic mother and an absent father. Nancy already has been acquainted with the dark underbelly of Elm Street. Of our American dream. And through her experiences in waking life she is equipped to connect the pieces between both her dreams and reality. Heather brings Nancy to life as an independent, strong, resourceful and incredibly intelligent young woman and is one of the finest , most enduring examples of slasher cinema’s final girl.

It’s also interesting to note Craven’s depiction of the family unit here. Early on the first adult we are introduced to is Tina’s mother who awakens Tina from a night terror only to scold her. She is then interrupted by an obviously drunk boyfriend who asks, “Are you coming back to the sack or what?” Later, through dialog between the teens characters, we learn Tina’s father abandoned the family a decade prior. Nancy’s father, Don, a police detective in Springwood, is comparatively absent from her life. He is patronizing and debasing towards her when she asks for his help but is quick to exploit her as bait when it helps his investigation. Nancy’s mother, Marge, is a sickeningly dependent alcoholic who hides bottles of booze all over the house, including the linen closet in the off chance she might need to swig her feel good juice while she’s walking from her bedroom to Nancy’s.

Not to mention both of Nancy’s parents, like all the Elm Street parents, are murderers. They are among the parents who took justice into their own hands and killed Fred Krueger when the judicial system failed. Their guilt, their sin, are all passed on to their children in the form of the demonic and purely evil Krueger. Thus, A Nightmare on Elm Street literalizes the notion that the sins of the father are passed on to the children. We will pay in blood and treasure for the misdeeds of those who came before us.

A Nightmare on Elm Street is one of the most important films of the last fifty years. A wellspring of creativity and ideas which maintain great currency within the genre. It gave American culture it’s most identifiable boogieman in the form of Freddy Krueger. Although, in this original Nightmare Freddy had yet to become the fun, silly M.C. he would transform into over the course of the franchise. Instead, he is a real monster, a mean spirited creep who enjoys torturing, molesting, and killing children. He’s a sadist who delights in inflecting pain on others with a wrath that is inescapable. Maybe that’s one of the things that’s so damn scary about Freddy in A Nightmare on Elm Street. That through supernatural means Freddy, a murdered child killer, has gained almost infinite powers to haunt us forever and murdering us in our most intimate and private of places…our minds. And there’s no escape. Because sooner or later we all must fall asleep. So Freddy isn’t only eternal…he’s unavoidable.

The mantra throughout A Nightmare on Elm Street is “Don’t fall asleep.” This is Nancy’s urgent warning and her battle cry. In the context of A Nightmare on Elm Street this line means much more than simply avoiding a confrontation with our razor gloved antagonist. It’s warning us not to be lulled into a false sense of security. To dig out the truth, to question authority, to fight corruption, lies and complacency. Do not give in, do not give up and…

Don’t Fall Asleep.





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