It’s the trashiest guy you know, The Primal Root, and I am back with a Rotten Review of one of my all time, hands down, FAVORITE Drive-In B-Movie Monster pictures ever made. That’s right, one of the most highly requested flicks you guys wanted me to review, ‘Humanoids from the Deep’! The story of a small, blue collar fishing community eager to do business with a major canning company in order to save their failing economy only to find out too late that this capitalist merger has unleashed something far more sinister i the dark waters that surround their tiny community of Noyo.
Something intent on killing anything in it’s path…and raping anything with a vagina.
This is hands down one of the strangest, sickest, and guiltiest of monster movie exploitation pleasures. The film has a great underlying message of environmental safety, greed, racism, the dangers of fooling with Mother Nature and the hazards technological progress all mixed in with tons of naked, large breasted women getting mauled and savagely raped by slimy green, sea monsters.
So sit back and prepare yourself for on of the sleaziest monster message movies to ever grace the Drive-In movie screens, Humanoids from the Deep! And in this episode Root’s got company…
To be completely honest I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I sat down to watch TerrorVision, this 1986 horror flick whose VHS covered adorned just about every video store shelf when I was a kid. The artwork promised something dark and sinister…but the title? Terror-Vision? I sounded like something more akin to the 1992 John Ritter flick, ‘Stay Tuned’or Joe Dante’s trippy segment from the 1983 Twilight Zone Movie. After finally watching this sucker, it turns out, I was a lot closer to the mark than I knew.
We are introduced to The Putterman’s, your average yuppie, Reagan era family complete with Cyndy Lauper wanna teenage daughter, enthusiastic Rambo-esqu pre-teen son, and parents who are more interested in the latest technology, covering their home with erotic art and getting into the swinger trend and boasting about it proudly…in front of their children, who understandable, seem to be holding back the bile and cringing with deep mental scarring. Come on, kids, lighten up! Because being a cock-hopping swinger smack dab in the middle of the AIDS epidemic was the responsible choice many parents were making at the time…
Earthlings, what a bunch of dickweeds.
The Putterman’s are hooking up their brand new, state of the art satellite dish that can beam deep into space and broadcast all kinds of kinky, weird shit from everywhere imaginable for their viewing pleasure on their 12 inch screen television (not exaggerating.). Programs like down and dirty pornography, MTV, and, wouldn’t you know it, carnivorous monster garbage from space that oozes it’s way right out of the set and into your lap! I mean, the dish itself is the size of a Volkswagen bus and the remote is the size of an Atari 2600 game console (replete with mini satellite dish on top) so this kind of shit was bound to happen. DAMN YOU TECHNOLOGY! Bringing forth unwanted alien evil right into our living room! How topical…
This monster looks like a huge family gathering had a sloppy-joe eating contest, all got food poisoning and then vomited this monster into creating. It’s slimy, hideous, and goofy as all hell. It’s not particularly frightening until it shows off it’s Grundle-Fly eating skills. This guy shoots out it’s tongue, which resembled to arms covered in a red tarp and dipped in bacon fat, that connects with it’s meal, injects acidic digestive fluids and then slurps up the gooey remains.The monster has several variations of this eating routine, all are gross, all are messy. First we had to worry about Fox News invading the living room, now THIS SHIT!
Had to include this picture because I laughed at it so hard I farted.
Early on, The Putterman’s visiting Grandpa and lizard enthusiast (don’t ask. it bares no foreshadowing or has anything to do with the rest of the film), is attacked and turned into fuddy-duddy creamed corn right before his little grandson’s very eyes. Luckily, this grandson is packing heat, brandishing an AK-47 and plenty of grenades. The young man spends the majority of the movie trying to warn everyone from his sex crazed, ugly parents to his nimrod of a sister and her metalhead boyfriend. Even a TV horror movie host and Elvira send up called Medusa! No one wants to believe the young man…until it’s too late!
Medusa, I suppose there's no threat of me looking into her eyes when she's wearing that outfit.
TerrorVision is an excercize in camp horror that the viewer will either understand and enjoy thoroughly or be annoyed with and tune out right away. I was the oddball on the fence. This thing looks like a living cartoon. From the color scheme, to the overacting, to the concept of the movie itself. I’s almost unbearable goofy. The single thing that saves it is the films much appreciated wicked sense of humor. TerrorVision is not afraid to kill off ANYONE or go for any dark, mean spirited laugh. TerrorVision is really a one of a kind movie in a lot of ways and really throws the viewer off kilter right from the very beginning. You don’t know what to expect as the tone shifts all over the place from light to dark in the blink of an eye. I always appreciate a film that keeps me wondering just where the hell it’s taking me. TerrorVision is one of those films. However, I cannot be sure if that was intentional or not…
I’ve gotta mention that TerrorVision also needs a medal of honor for being the slimiest damn movie I have ever seen. From the characters, to the aliens, to the liquefied remains of the carpet, it’s as if everything on set has been doused with a liberal appliance of K-Y Jelly. I can;t imagine how it must have been to work on this set with your fingers constantly being lubed up as your tried to focus the camera or simply walk to craft service table…where all the food must have tasted like anal lube.
TerrorVision is not for the faint of heart and I can only recommend it to the most dedicated of Trash Cinema fans. IF you think you have to fortitude to sit through this divine, 80′s, sci-fi, horror, comedy stinker, be my guest. I’m sure you’ll be glad you tuned in.
Well, it’s the middle of summer and I wasn’t planning on even doing a Rotten Review this month on account of how beautiful it is outside and I wanted to put in some quality beach time. However, after my trip to the Gulf of Mexico got a little too sticky for my taste I decided maybe we should stay at home and enjoy the 1978 classic, Malibu Beach.
This flick is an easy to swallow summer time treat with not plot to get in the way of the story. Tons of lovely ladies in bikinis, boys up to no good, and perverted clothes snatching dogs. It all take place on Malibu Beach! A place where EVERYTHING can happen.
